Over the past 6 years thousands of parents have contacted me about problems child discipline and giving consequences to their children. By working with these parents one thing has become very clear, not every child has a problem that child discipline or consequences will help.
In order for the child discipline and consequences to be effective, certain things have to be in place. Most importantly your child has to know he is doing something wrong.
Many children have trouble reading social skills. What that means is they don’t know they are being offensive. They don’t know they are bothering you. They don’t know they are doing anything wrong. In order to give discipline; you have to make sure your child knows he is doing something wrong. When you have a child who doesn’t understand, disciplining or giving a consequence will have a very negative effect.
First of all, it won’t correct your child’s behavior because he doesn’t understand the behavior is wrong. But more than that, it is going to engender resentment and it will foster rebellion as your kid gets older.
What can you do to help your child develop socialization skills so he can read social situations better?
One thing you can do is when you are out with your child in a social situation such as in the mall or where there are a lot of people, just ask your child to look at somebody and say: “What do you think he is feeling? Look at his face, what is he thinking?”
You will get him to pay attention to what other people are thinking. Also, you can gradually teach him what various looks mean and how people are feeling by the way they look. In that way you can actively teach your child to read social cues.
It is not that your child can’t learn social skills. It is just that in many situations, kids with ADHD or ODD just don’t pick up these skills or realize how other people are feeling. You have to actively teach this to them.
If you want to do get your child under control, consequences and child discipline are very good ways of doing that, but you have to be sure your child is ready for it. You need to be sure that sure your child knows he is doing something wrong.
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