Using rewards to encourage behavior is a common technique in raising children.How to use rewards properly with children who have Oppositional Defiant Disorder and ADHD is important in your success in getting good behavior.

We discussed earlier that the way parents are taught to give rewards does not work with ODD kids.  Here is an example of how to use rewards effectively.

Let’s take the example of Cindy, a twelve or thirteen year old defiant girl who hates folding the laundry.  You happen to be at home and are running out of time, your husband is coming home, dinner is not ready and you have a pile of laundry to fold.

One way to do it, and the way people are usually taught to do it, is to go to Cindy and say “Cindy, I am really in a bind with the laundry and I need your help to fold it.  Let’s work this out – order kamagra online.I know you want this DVD.  If you fold the laundry I will call your father and have him bring a DVD home on the way home from work.”

That is a straight business deal.  You do the work and you get the reward.  That is how people who teach parenting teach to give rewards.  The problem with this method is that Cindy will now evaluate the situation, she is sitting around watching soap operas or talking to her friends. Order kamagra online: she will decide if it is worth a DVD. Order kamagra online: the answer will be yes, or no.  This is a straight business deal.

One of the things you have done with this method is fixed the price for folding laundry.  Folding laundry equals one DVD.  You will never get away with less than that for folding laundry.  That is the problem with that approach, and it is the way most people were taught how to do it.

The proper way of using rewards should go like this:  Same scenario, Cindy 12 or 13, hates laundry, you are stuck and your husband is coming home.

You go to the door and say “Cindy, I am really in a bind.  I got home late from work today, I have to make dinner and your father is coming home.  Nothing is ready.  The laundry is up to the ceiling.  Could you please help me out and do me a favor?  Would you mind stopping what you are doing and please help me fold the laundry?”

She may do it or not do it, but what you are doing right now is appealing to her sense of fairness, her sense of reason.  You are appealing to the mature teenager inside with a plea for help.  Most people, unless there is something really pressing, will respond to that.  When she is done, you can go up and say “Cindy, I am so grateful to you for helping so much.  I really appreciate it.  I want to show you my appreciation.  I am going to call your father and have him bring that DVD home that you’ve been wanting to get for so long.”

Same situation, same scenario, same child, same DVD.  But here is the big difference:  in the first case the DVD was payment for work.  Is it worth it or is it not? In the second case the DVD was not a payment at all.  The payment you gave your child was the appreciation for the help and also the right to be the one in control in making decisions.
This is pure gold for an ODD child.  They love being in control.  By acting this way you not only gave them control but you also showed an emotional appreciation, which is something that you cannot buy with money.  Appreciation is a wonderful thing.  It helps you.It helps your child and it builds a wonderful relationship.

What was the DVD?  The DVD was just a symbol of your appreciation order kamagra online, just a thank you.  But the real reward was the appreciation and that is what builds a good relationship with your child and makes everything run smoothly in your family.

The next time your daughter has to do something, or you want your daughter to do something, ask her the same way and you give your appreciation.  The DVD is a trinket, maybe she will get it or maybe she won’t.  It is a nice thing but it is not the motivating factor.

That is how you use rewards to build a relationship with your child, to get compliance, and to get your child to feel like she is the one in control and more mature.This is the key in helping improve your child’s behavior as well as your parent-child relationship.

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Today we are going to discuss what happens when your significant other or your ex-spouse undermines your discipline plans and your discipline programs.This is a very common problem, because as you know in our society today we have a tremendously high divorce rate, there is a lot of single parenting, and, generally speaking, parents who got divorced don’t really get along so well and don’t see the things the same way.So kamagra generic, you have a lot of situations and a lot of questions about parents who have tried to implement discipline program and their ex-husband/ex-wife undermines them.

So, let me give you a scenario and show you how to handle it. Kamagra generic: let’s say, for example, your son Bob who is 10 years old is not behaving so well, and he wants to get a DVD set or an Xbox.

You say, “Look, Bob, you are not behaving well.You are not listening at school.You are not going to school.You are fighting and arguing at home.I will not get you an Xbox until I see a real change in your behavior.”

Then your ex-husband goes ahead and buys him an Xbox kamagra generic, undermining everything you’ve set up.How do you handle that?

Well, the first thing you do is you don’t complain to your son about what your ex-husband did.

“I can’t believe he did that! I set the rule, and he undermined me”.

You don’t complain – kamagra generic.Once you complain about what the other side has done, you undermine your effectiveness and you show that you are powerless.

The best way to handle this is this is by saying something like this.

“You know, Bob, I’m really glad your father bought you this, and it’s good that you have it – kamagra generic. Kamagra generic: of course, you can’t use here, in our house, until I see that you get up for school on time, or I see that you help with the laundry, or I see you do your homework,” or whatever criteria you set up originally.

The one thing you want to do is to show your child that you can hold your ground.When you hold your ground, it shows that you have the power, and you are the parent, and you are in charge, which is what you must always maintain.

One more thing to remember: You are not your child’s friends; you are your child’s parent.Children have friends, and children have parents.You cannot be both.So kamagra generic, you want to hold your ground, you want to show that you are effective and that you have your power.You can be happy that the child got the thing he wanted, but he just can’t use it here until he does what you said; kamagra generic.

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Dealing with conflicts is an essential tool you need to get by in life – medication claritin.But how do you deal with conflicts your child has at school with his teachers?

We have all been in school and we all know that not every teacher out there is the best person in the world – medication claritin.They don’t all handle problems well.Some even have some personality problems; medication claritin.If your child is a difficult child, like a child with ODD, or ADHD, or some other problem, or just a normal active child, he is most likely going to have conflicts with teachers during his career in school.

So, how do you as a parent handle this?

First of all, do not complain to your child about the teacher; medication claritin.Do not get into a discussion about how bad or wrong the teacher is, or how the teacher mishandled the problem.

By doing that, you cause two things to happen; medication claritin.First of all, you undermine the teacher’s authority, and that is a big mistake; medication claritin.Secondly, you validate your child’s inappropriate behavior, and that is definitely not the right thing to do.

What you should do is to talk to the teacher privately about the problem; medication claritin. Medication claritin: or, if necessary, go to the principal privately and talk to him about the problem. Medication claritin: i admit that there have been times that I’ve had to go and switch my child from one class to another, because there was a personality conflict that was not good for the child.But all things considered, you still do not want to invalidate the authority of the teacher in front of the child.

Another reason why you don’t want to do this is that throughout your child’s life he is going to run into people who are difficult, who have their own personal problems, who do not handle situations well and act and react inappropriately.Many of these difficult people could be people who hold positions of power.  It could be a clerk at the Motor Vehicle Department, someone in the Passport Office or a bank.They are people who your child will need services from and defiance at this point will not get him what he wants.  He will have to deal with them whether he likes it or not. 

He cannot always run away from problems.So, you should use this opportunity to teach your child how to handle the situation.  Teach him how to talk to teacher appropriately, how to avoid conflicts, how to obey difficult situations and difficult requests, and how to basically get through the year however possible.

Again, there may be times where you will just have to get the child out and get him to a better situation; medication claritin.But you should try to use this opportunity first of all, to teach your child to handle these difficult situations.

You do not want to undermine the authority, the respect for the teacher, because the child must needs to know how respect authority figures, even when the person filling the position doesn’t deserve respect.

You do not want to undermine a teacher in any way, and at the same time, you do not want to validate your child’s bad behavior – medication claritin.

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