Today I want to discuss what you should do when your difficult child acts out in public. I understand that when children act out in public we all feel the world is looking at us and we are easily embarrassed. But, the most important thing to do is stay focused on the problem at hand. You cannot let your child’s bad behavior get you sidetracked.

When your difficult child acts out he is sending you a message. Perhaps, he is over-tired, he is hungry, or he is in a situation he can’t handle. Even though it is embarrassing for you and you feel like everyone is watching you, you have to stay focused. The most important thing to remember when parenting your difficult child is your child comes first.

Your child needs you. He needs you to be a good parent. He needs you to be a strong parent and even though it is embarrassing for you, you have to focus on your child’s needs. So many times a child may need to eat, may need to get out of the situation, he may need redirection from his bad behavior, or he may need more attention from you.

Your difficult child acts out to give you a message. Even though it is embarrassing when it happens in public, you have to respond to your child first and put your feelings aside.

So the next time your child acts out, figure out what the problem is, ignore what people around you are thinking or doing, and take care of your child’s needs first.

Today we are going to discuss what to do when your child uses foul language, bad language, or even curses you. Specifically, when you give a consequence, discipline or do something your child does not like, and they curse at you as a response.

You have to understand what your child is trying to achieve.

First of all you told them something he did not like. That means you are exerting your power and control over your child and his natural response is to:

(1) resent you and try to attack you, and

(2) try to show he has control over you in some aspect.

That is what the foul language, bad language, or cursing achieves.

It shows, first of all, that it expresses his anger in you. Second, he controls what comes out of his mouth and you don’t. It gives him an air of control where you have no control.

The way you handle this problem is to recognize what your child is trying to do and do not get sucked in. You do not get drawn into a battle. You do not respond at this point, and you do not let your child suck you into an argument or respond really in any way.

You want to maintain your dignity and control of the situation.

For example, let’s say your child comes home late and misses curfew, your consequence is for the next week, the next couple of days, or the next couple of times he has got to be home an hour earlier. He gets angry and curses at you. You say, “Nevertheless, for the next week, you have got to be home an hour early” and you walk away.

You do not get dragged into battle. You do not say, “How dare you curse at me.” You do not get involved in any way at all in what he said.

That does not mean you let it go. You can come back later at a different time and say, “You know you cursed at me yesterday, you cursed at me an hour ago, two hours ago. You are not allowed to do that and there is a consequence for that also” and then you give a consequence for cursing.

Do not let the cursing, the bad talk, the bad language, or the anger of your child get you off track. Your child’s goal is to exert his power, exert his control and to show you that he has something over you. Do not let him get away with it.

Stay in control, stay in focus, keep on topic, and at a later time when things are calm, go back and address the cursing or the bad language. Do not let it go. Do not say you are giving in. Don’t do anything other than stay on track now and make sure you address it later.

Today I want to discuss the importance of handling a young child who behaves in a violent manner. What I mean by this, is that there are certain children at 5, 6 or 7 who learn, have the habit, or something inside of them, where when something goes wrong, they talk back, they hit, or they verbally or physically abuse other children or people.

They are quite simply, appropriate consequences ( http://ccparenting.com/frconvid.html ) need to be given to violent children immediately to correct their behavior.

Many times parents do not know exactly what to do about this and as a result they let it go hoping the violent child will grow out of it.

Usually the child does not grow out of it.

What usually happens is that violent children who are 5 or 6, become older violent children who are bullies. They become violent teens, and then they become violent spouses or violent adults.

A parent must address this problem aggressively and thoroughly when a child is still young. What that means is…you give a series of consequences for violent behavior. You do not let your violent young children get away with verbal abuse or physical abuse of other people, even at young ages of 4, 5 or 6.

You explain to your child it is wrong and give appropriate discipline at that time.

If you do that, your child will learn that violence is not the way to solve his problems and he will learn other, more appropriate socializing techniques that will make him more fit to be a member of society… as well as a better behaved child, a better behaved teen, and a better behaved adult.

Again, it is important to address these problems early because violent children do not get better by themselves. They usually get worse by themselves if the children are left on their own with no guidance.

Make sure you have a series of consequences for the violent behavior. When given appropriately, you will be able to handle this problem in a fairly reasonable and easy manner.