Today I am going to discuss how you get your adolescent or teenager to participate with the family and be part of the family. This is a big problem.

The first thing you must understand is the stage your child is going through. At some point when your child hits adolescence he starts moving away from the family. He is growing up. It is normal for your child to try to become more independent of you and become much more attached to his friends. Growing away from the family is normal. In fact, if your teen is not doing this, it could be a sign of a problem.

More than that, many teens at this age find being with the family and particularly being with you, the parent, to be an embarrassment. They don’t want to be around you. They are embarrassed to be around you in public. Again, this is normal. It is a stage. It is not a reflection of how your child really feels about you.

Teens want to be cool. They want to seem big and being with mommy or daddy just doesn’t work with that image. So if you have a teen at home and he is shying away from being with the family, there is a very good reason for this. Your child really does not want to be with you. He is embarrassed to be with you in public.

However, you are still his parents and he is still part of the family. How do you get him to behave that way?

First of all, we are living in kind of a crazy world right now where there is a breakdown of the family life in general. Family members go in and out of the house at different times. All the kids have different schedules. No one seems to get together at all. This is a big problem and it erodes the closeness of the family. It is a society-wide problem.

What we recommend is to make a fixed family time on a consistent basis. It can be once a week, once a month or some time in between that. It is a time for all family members to spend together and everyone is expected to be there. You can have a family dinner once a week. You can schedule a family night to do something. Make it a requirement that everybody in your family to be there.

That means you have to be there and all the children have to be there. This will give you children the idea that they are part of a family, not just a bunch of individuals who live in the same house.

As you and your children get older these family times will become very pleasant memories. Your children will remember that they are part of a family. This will help your children to remain close as they grow older.

You should not expect these times to run smoothly always. However, like any other time, your children are expected to behave themselves. If your teen acts out because he doesn’t want to be there you give appropriate discipline. Your child may not like it, but he is expected to behave himself and to participate. You should expect some grumbling from time to time. Try to overlook as much as you can. You are building memories.

Our world is moving very, very fast. The family unit is being lost. It is important to have a regular family time. This will help your family stay a family.

Today I want to discuss a common child discipline mistake parents make when giving consequences. This is the mistake of negotiating limits with your child.

Let us take for example a curfew violation. Your child is supposed to be home at 9:00 p.m. on weekday nights. Your child comes in at 10:00 p.m. You start giving your consequence and your child says, “It’s not fair. All my friends come home at 10:00 and I have to come in at 9:00. It’s not fair. I am already 16.”

Then you start defending yourself and why your curfew is fair.

Well…is it true or not true? Are you being fair? Maybe your child should be able to stay out later. But here is the problem.

Consequences are limits. The limit was set at 9:00 p.m. When your child starts negotiating with you about the time, and you start defending your choice, you ignore the fact that your child went over the limit that was set.

There is a time to negotiate curfew or any other limit, but it is not when a violation of that limit has occurred. Also, you don’t change curfew time when your child is out and calls home for permission to stay out later. That is not the time to change limits.

You can and should negotiate limits. You do this when you can have a conversation with your child about that limit. But when a child has violated the limit, that is not the time to talk about it.

The only issue at hand is that a limit was in place, and fair or not fair, your child just violated that limit. You can discuss what is fair at a different time.

This is a common mistake that parents make. They get sidetracked with other issues. They get sucked into discussions of what is fair or not fair and the fact that a limit has been violated gets diluted.

Limits have to be enforced. When your child breaks a limit, your job is to enforce limits, not to negotiate.

This is only one of the mistakes parents make when giving limits and consequences to discipline their children or teens.

I have a video which will show you the #1 mistake parents make in child discipline and when giving consequences. This mistake is the main reason why consequences and discipline do not work.

If you are having trouble with child discipline, you should see this video right away, because it will show you quickly how to change that problem.

The free video is located at http://ccparenting.com/discipline

Today I want to discuss with you child discipline and using consequences to set and enforce limits.

Children need limits. It is very clear they need limits. First of all, children are not mature enough to handle themselves properly in the world. That is why they live at home with you.

A child needs to be told what to do and when to do it, until he develops the maturity to keep himself safe in certain situations.

A child without limits will go out and stay out all night. He will go to dangerous places. He will get involved in dangerous things.

Your job as a parent is to protect your child and keep him out of trouble. One of the ways you do that is by using limits. How do you enforce these limits? You use child discipline. Consequences are part of an overall child discipline strategy to help you to enforce limits that you set.

Your child will try to test your limits. Believe me, this is normal. Every child tests limits. It is part of growing up.

You need to have a consequence in place to discourage your child from testing your limit and to let him know that your limit is a real barrier.

It is critical your child understands their limits, because the world is full of limits. It is full of things he cannot do. There are rules and boundaries.

For example, your child can’t go onto someone’s property, because he wants something. He can’t take something from other people, because he wants it. He can’t speed in his car, because he wants to. There are limits. It is part of living in society.

Your child has to learn that limits are real, limits are important, and limits are part of getting along with everybody else in the world. You use consequences to teach this lesson.

Many parents find that their consequences are not effective. Often their children don’t seem to care. I made for you which shows the #1 mistake that parents make when giving consequences. This mistake is the main reason their consequences are not effective.

You can see this video right now. Go to http://ccparenting.com/discipline and get access to the video right away!