Dealing with conflicts is an essential tool you need to get by in life. But how do you deal with conflicts your child has at school with his teachers?
We have all been in school and we all know that not every teacher out there is the best person in the world. They don’t all handle problems well. Some even have some personality problems. If your child is a difficult child, like a child with ODD, or ADHD, or some other problem, or just a normal active child, he is most likely going to have conflicts with teachers during his career in school.
So, how do you as a parent handle this?
First of all, do not complain to your child about the teacher. Do not get into a discussion about how bad or wrong the teacher is, or how the teacher mishandled the problem.
By doing that, you cause two things to happen. First of all, you undermine the teacher’s authority, and that is a big mistake. Secondly, you validate your child’s inappropriate behavior, and that is definitely not the right thing to do.
What you should do is to talk to the teacher privately about the problem. Or, if necessary, go to the principal privately and talk to him about the problem. I admit that there have been times that I’ve had to go and switch my child from one class to another, because there was a personality conflict that was not good for the child. But all things considered, you still do not want to invalidate the authority of the teacher in front of the child.
Another reason why you don’t want to do this is that throughout your child’s life he is going to run into people who are difficult, who have their own personal problems, who do not handle situations well and act and react inappropriately. Many of these difficult people could be people who hold positions of power. It could be a clerk at the Motor Vehicle Department, someone in the Passport Office or a bank. They are people who your child will need services from and defiance at this point will not get him what he wants. He will have to deal with them whether he likes it or not.
He cannot always run away from problems. So, you should use this opportunity to teach your child how to handle the situation. Teach him how to talk to teacher appropriately, how to avoid conflicts, how to obey difficult situations and difficult requests, and how to basically get through the year however possible.
Again, there may be times where you will just have to get the child out and get him to a better situation. But you should try to use this opportunity first of all, to teach your child to handle these difficult situations.
You do not want to undermine the authority, the respect for the teacher, because the child must needs to know how respect authority figures, even when the person filling the position doesn’t deserve respect.
You do not want to undermine a teacher in any way, and at the same time, you do not want to validate your child’s bad behavior.
