As parents we frequently ask ourselves, Why is my child out-of-control, defiant, and wild? Where on earth does that bad behavior come from?
What happens is actually very simple. Because of their lack of maturity, young children will scream, kick, and throw a tantrum. They behave in a manner we as parents would rather not see when they want something they cannot get.
Young children know no other way to express themselves other than inappropriate behavior. This is because they are unable to express themselves in a more mature fashion.
How you react to your childs tantrums is extremely important. If you ignore the behavior, let it go, or put the child someplace where he will not harm himself or anything else and do not give in, then a child will eventually learn that acting out is not a good way of getting what he wants.
He will find a more appropriate way of asking for things like saying please. He will do the things that you would rather have him do and behave in an appropriate fashion.
When you give in to a child who throws a tantrum, you are encouraging this negative behavior. Your child learns that by acting out, embarrassing you, calling you names, and doing things that bother you, he can get what he wants.
This means that parents teach their children to behave inappropriately through their responses to inappropriate behavior. The child learns that when he behave in ways that bother you, you give in. Bad behavior becomes a technique for fulfilling his desires.
If you reward your child by giving him what he wants when he says please, it is as much a learned behavior as giving in to his desires when he throws a tantrum. Both are behaviors that you teach.
It is very important that you understand how patterns of bad behavior develop so that you can stop reinforcing the behavior right away. You must take action on this now.
If you don’t take measures to correct your child’s behavior, then his inappropriate behavior will only escalate as he gets older.
Eventually, when he gets into his teen years his desires will be more outrageous and consequently his behavior will become more out of control. You will have a very serious behavior problem on your hands which will be extremely difficult to handle, and will make your life very unpleasant.
The most important thing you can do right now if your child is throwing tantrums, breaking things, and using inappropriate behavior, is to stop giving him what he wants.
Do not give in.
We will discuss how to do this in the future. The most important thing you must realize is that inappropriate behavior, out of control behavior, and abusive behavior is a learned behavior.
what do you do if you take away everything from the 5 year old soon to be 6 in March and it doesn’t phase him. He constantly misbehaves at school and is an angel at home. is horrible on the bus and will soon be kicked off the bus…but again is an angel at home. we take away his privileges constantly for weeks and he still misbehaves…nothing works on him…