Rewards and punishments have been used throughout time. They are good techniques, good ways to motivate children and to motivate anybody. The question is, though, what type of rewards and how severe of rewards and punishments should you be using to guide your child?
I want to talk about an experiment that was done recently by psychologist, Jonathan Friedman, which shed some light on this idea.
Friedman was investigating how to mold behavior over a period of time in the children and his research involved boys ages 6 to 9 years.
In this experiment he brought a boy into a room where there were four or five different toys to play with. One was a very expensive, a high quality fun toy – I think it was a battery operated robot. The other toys were small things.
He divided the children into two groups. In one group he told the children they could not play with the robot.
He said, “It is wrong and if I catch you playing with the robot I am going to give you a severe punishment. You will be severely reprimanded and punished. Do not play with the robot.”
And he left the room. Of the 21 children in the group, only one did play with the robot.
In the second group Friedman did almost the same thing.
However, instead of saying, “if I catch you playing with the robot I am going to give you a severe punishment”, he said, “Do not play with the robot because it is wrong and I will be unhappy about that.”
Approximately 20 of the 21 boys listened and did not play with the robot. This was the same as the first group. The same result. This was expected. However, what Friedman was interested in was if the groups would show a difference in the future.
Using a different researcher, a woman, gave the boys what they thought was a drawing test. The boys did not know that the female researcher had any connection to Friedman.
They drew pictures of something and each boy was told that the tests would be graded now and if they would please go to the other room and play with a toy until the grading was done. In that room there were a number of toys to play with, including the robot. And the researchers observed which boys would now play with the robot.
And there was a difference between the two groups.
75% of the boys in the first group, the ones who were threatened with a punishment, played with the robot.
In the second group, the ones who were just told it was wrong, only 33% played with the robot.
What’s the explanation?
When presented with the threat of punishment, the boys in the first group focused on the punishment. When Freidman was not there, the punishment was not a concern, they had no reason not to play with the robot.
The second group of boys was not threatened with a punishment. What they focused on was that playing with the robot was wrong. Therefore, even though Friedman was not around, the message that playing with the robot remained.
What does this mean for you as a parent?
The main point is that when you threaten a severe punishment or a big reward, the focus becomes the reward or punishment and not the change in behavior you are trying to achieve.
But, when you are give a mild punishment, or no punishment or no reward at all or even just a request, your child will be much more likely to incorporate the new behavior.
Keep this in mind when you use rewards and punishment. If you promise a big reward or punishment, your child will not focus on the behavior.
However, when you make a request or tell your child ‘this is right’ or ‘this is wrong,’ your child will be more likely to incorporate the good behavior.
This means you will have accomplished a parenting goal of getting the child to do something you wanted him to do and incorporating that behavior long term.
