Oppositional Defiant Disorder: Ignoring Bad Behavior

Why Ignoring Bad Behavior Doesn’t Work

How often have you been told, overlook the bad behavior and focus on the good?

This is great parenting advice. Ignoring your child’s bad behavior makes a lot of sense.

In fact, in many instances it is the best parenting approach.

For example, let’s take the case of Andy.

Andy is a three year old who has just thrown himself on the floor and is kicking and shrieking and having a full-blown tantrum. There may be a number of reasons Andy is having a tantrum right now.

Perhaps he is over tired. Perhaps he wants something and just doesn’t know how to express what he wants in a more eloquent fashion.

So if, you as Andy’s mother, are an astute parent you will ignore the tantrum. At a later time when Andy is calm you can make the effort to understand what was bothering him and teach him to express himself verbally.

Do this consistently and eventually Andy will outgrow the tantrums.

But what would happen if you responded to the tantrum? What if you showed Andy that the tantrum upset your or got you to pay attention to him in a way that just talking doesn’t seem to do?

Do this often enough and Andy will realize that throwing a tantrum equals instant attention. For a child, that’s like stumbling upon a pot of gold.

Andy’s original reason for throwing the tantrum may have had nothing to do with getting your attention. But if you show Andy that tantrums are your hot button it won’t be long before he starts using this new found gold anytime he feels he is being ignored or wants more attention or just wants to get back at you.

Therefore, ignoring bad behavior is an excellent first line parenting technique and one you should always consider trying.

The problem, if you have a difficult or an Oppositional Defiant Disorder child he will just not be ignored.

He will just keep on escalating the bad behavior until it gets to the point where you can’t ignore it. He might start bopping his younger sister. He might stir up his classmates. But eventually he will find a way to make you get involved.

Ignoring the bad and focusing on the good….It’s a great parenting technique that just about everybody writes about.

The problem is…

It just doesn’t work. Not if you have an ODD or difficult child.

So, if you have an ODD or difficult child, then one thing you must definitely not do is ignore the bad behavior.

This is important for you to know. If you have an Oppositional Defiant Disorder Child or Defiant Teen and the things you are doing as a parent are not working, it is not your fault. It’s not because you are a bad parent or just don’t know what you are doing, as many people you know are quick to tell you.

The reason you are struggling with your child or teen is that they are tough to raise. Your child is much harder than most other children.

Difficult children require more expertise on your part. Just doing what works for other parents with their kids will not work for you. You need to get the information and the parenting skills that will help you with your child.

Parenting a difficult defiant child or teen doesn’t have to be hard. You just need to know what to do.

For more information on how to handle your ODD child or teen:



If your child is 2-11 go to:

The ODD Child Program



If your child is 12 and older go to:

The ODD Teen Program

Related Blogs