Teenage pregnancy is up 400% at Gloucester High School in Gloucester, Massachusetts. Some view this as an indictment of the school’s sex education program. Others feel that it is a result of the hit movies “Juno” and “Knocked Up,” that glorify teen pregnancy.
However, the school principal, Joseph Sullivan, says there is another reason. Sullivan reports that the at least part of the reason is that many of the 17 sophomores, the oldest of which is 16, have made a mutual agreement to get pregnant and to raise their babies together.
The school first noticed something was up last October when school officials observed that an unusual number of girls were requesting pregnancy tests from the school infirmary. By May, many of the girls had come to the infirmary several times to get pregnancy tests. Some girls seemed to be upset that they weren’t pregnant. After brief questioning of some of the pregnant students, it came out that a number of girls had made a mutual agreement to become pregnant and to raise their babies together.
News of the Gloucester Pregnancy Pact received international attention. The story from this small (population 30,000) staunchly Catholic New England fishing town spread all over the world.
There have been numerous wide ranging reactions to the Gloucester Pregnancy Pact. Gloucester mayor, Carolyn Kirk denied it. In a closed door press conference she stated that there was no evidence of a “teen pregnancy pact.”
The school physician and school nurse resigned. They were protesting that the school officials blocked their plan to hand out birth control pills to students, without parental consent. It is not clear how this was supposed to address the issue to teens wanting to get pregnant.
What is the cause of the Gloucester Pregnancy Pact?
Some say this incident could have been prevented if the State of Massachusetts hadn’t rejected federal funds for “abstinence only” education. The school physician and nurse felt it could have been prevented through the liberal distribution of birth control pills. Some target President George W. Bush’s “No Child Left Behind Act” that cut funding for after-school programs and health education.
Are these pregnancies a sign of declining moral values? Probably not. Teen birth rates have been declining for the last fifteen years and teen abortion rates are falling even faster.
Some cite hard economic times. Gloucester is a fishing community and that industry has been hard hit recently. Many young people don’t see any future for themselves. They are growing up directionless.
One official commented that these girls fit a certain profile. They are socially isolated. They don’t get attention from their parents. One student commented that these girls have little parental supervisions. “They can stay out all night,” she commented.
The bottom line is no one knows why this Pregnancy Pact took place or even if there is a Pregnancy Pact.
What should be done?
The school is discussing free distribution of birth control among other ideas. However, the bottom line is that teen pregnancy is not a school issue. It is a home issue. And we as parents have to recognize and address this issue.
What does this mean for you and your teenager?
Teen pregnancy is a reality. But there are no good answers, only questions.
Will it happen to your teenage daughter?
What precautions can we, as parents, take to protect our children?
Is sex education the answer?
Are freely available birth control pills the answer?
Is abortion the answer or even an option?
Please state post your insights and your comments on this issue.
July 1st, 2008 at 7:32 am
Random thoughts: I appreciate the question “what will happen to your daughter.” However, I am the mother of one - a boy (only eight years old at the moment but those days are coming sooner that I’d like to think). What will happen to him? What if a young lady who has entered into a pregnancy pact decides he woudl make a good father? He need to take equal responsibility not to become a teen parent.
His father and I will take every measure possible to educate him about the consequences and responsiblities of having sex. BUT - handing out birth control pills to females is NOT the only answer - community-based (including school-based, with his peers) sex education and accessible birth control FOR MALES is just as important.
Personally, I do not consider abortion an option. If my son one day fathers a child that the mother doesn’t want to keep (no matter what their ages) I hope and pray that she will not terminate my grandchild’s life. I would be willing to raise the baby to prevent that from happening.
JMHO.
July 1st, 2008 at 8:10 am
I am a 33 year old Mom of two or three depending on how one looks at things. I have 5 year old twins that live with me and for whom I am their mother. I am also the biological mother of a delightful adopted 17 year old.
I am overwhelmed by the incompetency and incomprehension that reigns throughout this community in Massachusetts.
The big question that should be asked is why shouldn\’t young healthy girls with smart minds not bring up their kids together? Obviously, these girls DO NOT have an answer to this question.
Ask these girls why they are becoming mothers. Ask these kids\’ parents why are their children becoming parents. Don\’t blame huge organisations like State departments and National governments. Do seek out answers and then look for solutions but realize that this is PERSONAL not legal, not systematic. And certainly not a statistic.
As a 16 year old pregnant girl, I was scared, uneducated in one way but extremely well educated in other studies and left feeling a mix between self righteousness and full-out guilt. After much trial and tribulation, I chose adoption for my chlid and have thanked the Lord ever since. But this is not every child mother\’s decision.
If young girls are making a pack to raise children together, it is because they do not understand why in our current society what value is gioven to waiting to set up a family, what value is given to our traditional family structures. Birth control distribution is completely not responding to the problem at hand for these girls are supposedly TRYING to get pregnant!. It can however remind kids of what a revolution it was for women to have this option. Why has our society not shown our girls, our daughters why motherhood should be respected and how waiting until we are \’older\’, \’more mature\’, \’more settled\’ is so important for healthy Moms, kids and societies.
These girls are building commmunity and if I may sound so odd to say, a community based on (immature and ill placed) ideals of love and nurture. They are showing a respect for each other and for life and yet not a full understanding nor respect for the true blessing of a child along with its true challenges and the tremendous work it takes to be a great MOM.
I admire the idea that these girls think with all the youthful idealism of their age, that they , as a group of friends, will be able to better raise a group of children. What saddens me is that they are not willing to give themselves the time to prepare financially, socially, emotionally and soulfully to the rightful place of motherhood/ parenting.
Much more research needs to be done on what was going through these girls\’ minds. What does it say about our society that teenagers believe sincerely that they can take care of a child within their own society ( a society based on this friendship pact)? Where are the fathers in all this?
I have so many questions to ask, not blame to give. Please, instead of sensationalizing these girls\’ stories, try to understand them and understand what their actions, however unacceptable they can seem to be to some, are saying to us about our society and the place we give motherhood, the place we give adolescences, and childhood and the limits and expectations of each of these stages.
Motherhood, child raising and self development are far more important than what we are trained to believe is true. Decisions of this magnitude - to bring a child into this world - need to be valued in its full right. What has happened in this little community speaks loudly to me about our society\’s ignorance about an individual\’s value - a girl\’s value to become a woman in full right - a child\’s value to be taken care of wy the bets means possible.
July 1st, 2008 at 8:11 am
You\’re absolutely right! This is a home issue. Sadly, some parents think once children hit a certain age and are able to fend for themselves, their job is done. That is just the opposite! Children like this are looking for love in all the wrong places. Teenage girls want someone to love them and someone they can love. With total disregard of the reality and knowledge of raising a child, they feel having a baby will give them that. This is usually because the parents didn\’t give them the attention, love, understanding, guidance and discipline they need. At the same time, there comes a time when children are going to make their own decisions and choose which path they will follow, the one their parents taught them with morals, values, self esteem, faith and then there\’s the path that most children are taught is not the path to take. We as parents can not choose that path for them, they must choose it on their own and all we can do is pray that we raised them well enough to know which path to take. If that teaching isn\’t there, how do the children know? Whatever the reason for this group of girls getting pregnant is, it\’s clear no one cared enough to step up and say something when the signs were noticed.
Sadly we do not get to choose our parents. Even worse we can not make parents actually be good parents. And we can not make our children follow the path of life that we would like them to take.
July 1st, 2008 at 8:42 am
You are correct when you say this is a home issue but it is also a society issue.
We have become a permissive culture.
We allow all manners of social engineering programs into our schools. Somehow the state would have us believe that our children become wards of the state when they enter the school yard & building. Yet, as a whole, in Massachusetts, we expect the schools & teachers to be substitutinary morality guides for our children. Schools and teachers are for academics not social engineering.
Our t.v.\\\’s, radio\\\’s and other media are fixated on sexuality not morality.
Our churches have become institutions that affirm sin. There are no longer absolutes. It\\\’s what\\\’s right for me at the time. We want what we want and we want it now irregardless of the affect it will have on others or the long range consequences for us.
We have traded the truth for a lie and have thus become fools. We surround ourselves with people that will scratch our itching ears by telling us what we want to hear.
We are living in an age of relativism and have abdicated our societal responsibility to the state. We have turned our backs on God and our children.
You asked several questions at the end of your post. The answers to those questions require a change in our homes, our churches and our society. It is much more than a home issue. The pact or non-pact is a really a glimpse at the results we caused by assigning our roles to the state.
July 1st, 2008 at 9:07 am
If these girls are wanting to become mums (without partners?) then it sounds like they are wanting someone to love. Maybe overly strict and unrealistic religious beliefs and practices has lead to the girls rebelling in this way by forming a parenting pact. Perhaps their parents did not emphasise how important education and a stable job would be for their future. Maybe a month with a \’pretend\’ battery operated baby will open their eyes to the hard work motherhood is. If they experience life as a mum (during that month) and try to continue with schooling, they may soon realise study and a social life is not likely to be successful once they have a baby.
Sex education is definitely the answer and should be commenced from year 7 level (age 12 years). The more young girls are educated about their bodies and how easy it is to fall pregnant, then they become more empowered and aware of their choices. Contraception education should be compulsory (even in Catholic schools) for teenagers all around the world. The contraceptive injection or implant is probably more effective for teenage girls. The percentage of pregnancies whilst on these methods is lower than the oral contraceptive pill.
Many girls fall pregnant whilst on the contraceptive pill because they are late taking pills, forget to take a pill, get gastroenteritis whilst taking the pill and those circumstances can all lead to unwanted pregnancies. Many General Practitioners prescribe antibiotics and they have not warned their female clients that the antibiotics can decrease the effectiveness of the contraceptive pill. As a result, an unwanted pregnancy occurs. Many Doctors do not have the time to educate these girls thoroughly. They need more in depth and regular updates to ensure they are taking their contraception correctly. These updates must be given regularly at schools during sex education because the girls do forget the rules sometimes.
Abortion is the only answer for some girls. They do not want to become single mothers and many pregnant teenage girls have \’boyfriends\’ who no longer want anything to do with them once they become pregnant and yet those boys refuse to help pay for the cost of the abortion! These pregnant teenage girls (many who have been coerced by their so called boyfriends into having sex without protection because the boys don\’t like using condoms) are left on their own. They then have to ask a General Practitioner for a referral of termination of pregnancy. Many of those Doctors (because of their own personal and religious beliefs) treat the girls with such contempt and then refuse to give them a referral letter for a termination of pregnancy which then traumatises them further. What is even worse, is the fact that many of these teenagers have fallen pregnant whilst on the contraceptive pill, because their own Doctor has prescribed them antibiotics without warning those girls about the risk of pregnancy whilst on antibiotics. Doctors need to be made more aware of how their \’judgemental\’ reactions and refusal to help their patient by giving them a referral for a termination can have devastating and long lasting consequences for those girls. Many girls lose trust in Doctors and are very wary about seeking medical help after this type of treatment.
Because of all the above circumstances, contraception education must be compulsory for all teenagers aged 12 years and up. The contraceptive pill, implant and injection should be offered to all school age girls (who request contraception but feel they cannot discuss it with their parents and they cannot afford it) via the school nurses and paid for by the Government. Consent for obtaining these contraceptive methods should not be compulsory as many parents may refuse, leaving their teenagers vulnerable. Many will still have sex and if they have no contraception - unwanted pregnancies still occur and this leads to increase in welfare costs, medical costs, psychological trauma from termination leading to depression later.
And for those of you who believe 12 years is too young to start this type of education - I work in an abortion clinic and am sad to say I have looked after girls who are 12 and 13 years old who are pregnant which is tragic. If early education and contraception provision can be offered in schools it will help decrease the rate of teenage pregnancies.
July 1st, 2008 at 9:15 am
I agree that this must arise from a childs lack of lowered (I\’m in a dead end place with no way out) expectations.
This pact also suggests that the bond between these girls was stronger than their family bonds and that pregnancy was a way of further cementing their relationship with the other girls.
July 1st, 2008 at 10:24 am
O.k. I am a mom of 2 girls ages 6 & 4. The sex question has already been raised by my oldest, to which at this time I responded that sex is something done by a mommy and a daddy to make a baby.I did not elaborate because she is only 6. I did not dismiss her question because I want her to be confident that she can ask me about anything. I believe that communication between parent and child is essential. I will do my best when my girls are old enough to explain the consequences of pre-marital sex, not to mention the dangers of STD’s. I can not stop them from having sex if they really want to do it anymore than my parents could’ve stopped me. But I can educate them the way my parents educated me,and offer birth control and hope that they make the right choices like I did. I wish I could do more, but I don’t think chasity belts are legal anymore….
July 1st, 2008 at 12:45 pm
I am a mother of 4 daughters and this issue is huge in my mind. With the way society is going I have to accept the fact that my chances for a teen daughter pregnancy is high. I know that abstinence is the best and that it is possible. I believe that the problem is 75% home based & 25% society based. The thing I see is that the home life seems to be based on what is acceptable in society. Home is where the children need to learn morals and values and if parents are relying on society to teach these principles or base their home values on society\’s acceptance then really there is nothing to hold these children to a higher standard of self respect and self worth. Parents are not involved in their kids lives like parents used to be. Whether its because they both have to work full time to provide for their families or because they are a single parent themselves or because (as I have heard many parents say) they don\’t want to know, they are afraid to ask, I don\’t know but parents just are not involved like they used to be.
Society is way to accepting of sexual behavior and sex is everywhere you look. Look at these \"kid\" shows on cable. They are all about boyfriends, kissing, dating, break ups, and obviously sex (the only thing yet to be included) is a direct result of all of these precepts. I am disgusted with the idea of handing out birth control pills to girls at school! I strongly believe in education and the strong moral choice of abstinence! I can however understand that it is hard to explain to a child not to do something that they know their parents did or do. I can tell my girls to abstain from sexual behavior before marriage because I personally know that it is possible. I believe that morality is a huge issue. We as parent need to ingrain modesty and strong moral values into our children from birth. Girls need to know that babies are not always sweet and cute. Being a parent IS a full time job. They need to know details about sex & complications, pregnancy & complications, child birth & complications, babies & health disorders! These kids are acting in the heat of the moment and on impulse. They havent thought out all the what ifs they probably dont even know that the what ifs exist! They know it will anger their parents and to some this is the mack daddy of all pay offs! I work in a children and maternity clothing store & it saddens me to see how many grandparents are raising children these days. Children are seeming to become the next of societies dog, disposable for self gratification! Had sex? Got pregnant? No worries, get an abortion, pawn baby off on your parents so you can still be a teen partier!!! Unfortunately it seems that no one is holding these children accountable or making them deal with the seriousness of the consequences of sex and pregnancy.
In my home abortion is not an option!! Children are not disposable! They are not merely a consequence that can be gotten rid of so life can resume as it once was.
July 1st, 2008 at 2:23 pm
Hmmm … didn’t read all the posts, but perhaps this came about due to peer pressure. Our kids do dumb things because of peer pressure. Our kids do stupid things because of peer pressure. Our kids do dangerours things because of peer pressure.
It’s hard to fight peer pressure. No amount of informing kids of their choices and encouraging sensible choices will work for all kids. Providing birth control regardless of sex, sex education, etc. probably helps, but NOT if the kids are not listening.
I don’t have any answers but I think we need to rethink how we parent our kids and find more constructive ways to help our kids become responsible and make responsible choices.
July 1st, 2008 at 10:15 pm
I think your all wrong. If you think the schools are NOT responsible, your stupidity overwhelms me.
Ignorance is the basis for teen pregnancy. Until americans get their heads out of their you know whats and realize how importent a teacher is, and get an american teacher to teach, you have got alot worse coming up. And if you think a teenager could even become educated by an american teacher, your sadly mistaken.
A parent is only one (1) influence.What about the rest of what a child obsorbs?
July 2nd, 2008 at 3:14 am
Mr. Z-
Your comments are welcome and valued, but please try to keep it polite.
This is a friendly discussion.
July 2nd, 2008 at 6:20 am
My daughter is 7, and I’ve heard of kids having sex as early as 8!! I’m really worried about this kind of situation. How young, I wonder, is too young to “elaborate,” as Jennifer mentioned? I asked her once, when she said, “all that’s on t.v. is sex, “what is sex?” She responded, “It’s fashion and stuff.” I had to tell her that wasn’t it!
July 2nd, 2008 at 11:42 pm
This situation if it is as real as described has nothing to do with sex, or abortion or birthcontrol. This is about teens feeling disconnected, depressed and lonely and thinking a baby or a family (regardless of how that family is defined) will fix them and their lives. This is about losing almost all hope. These are girls who do not feel they can discuss their innermost fears and dreams with their parents. This reality has been the same for rural and inner city girls for decades. The parents are probably wonderful people - - just working themselves to death - - to do what? Sustain their families… And THAT I do blame on our current government.
July 6th, 2008 at 11:31 am
WOW! I agree with Cheryl above. I had twins @ the age of 17 and am surprised at the confusion of this topic. I am now 27 and can see the obvious reasons I willingly accepted teen pregnancy. # 1- I had no mother, or any woman, to talk to about sex or how my body was changing. #2- although my father was a loving, hard working single father, he was gone alot (providing for me and my 3 brothers) leaving us to \"figure out\" the world on our own. Too much freedom is a definate no no for any child. So who answered my questions?… #3- my peers had all the answers! Not only were most of them in the same absent-parent boat as me, but half my friends were boys who ALL wanted to have sex with any girl they could. After painfully loosing my virginity to one of my \"friends\" i got a steady boyfriend, who later became the father of my twins.
To surmize this long story, I feel that teen pregnancy is NOT just the schools problem ( I was there as little as possible) and NOT necessarily the parents fault. Our government has let us down in many ways, PARTICULARLY in the importance of family. Although I would have had a caniption fit, teens need daycare! And by God it should be affordable! My father made too much money for government assistance, but not enough money to live comfortably off of. Then he had to help me raise my twins (the father ditched us).
And just as a thought, BOYS need way more education on sex (other than how to do it) than most girls. I had a male friend at age 16 tell me that he thought you had to have sex with the same girl at least 3times to get her pregnant! And we had sex-ed in our schools. The government and community need to come together to make a resource-based plan to keep our kids without kids past high school…maybe even college!
July 8th, 2008 at 7:42 am
Do you have any articles on father/teen daughter relationships? I would love to read one! Thanks Katherine
July 10th, 2008 at 7:17 am
Does this work for posting if you do not have your own website??
July 10th, 2008 at 8:17 am
Okay, sorry, I just posted my own answer to that question. I have a 18 year old daughter and a 16 year old son. My huband and I have made the choice of teaching out daughter and son the possible consequences of a “sexual relationship”. I had 9 siblings. I lost two older brothers within two years.
I have two incredible extreme stories that show when children are neglected and put down as teenagers, at the same time parents push away from their own child, it leaves an incredible “hole in a child’s heart.” Everyone wants love and respect. And I agree that there is no “one” answer, but communication strengthens the bond to trust and repect.
My oldest sister has always been “adament” about “sex” being wrong. As with most of my siblings, my oldest sister responded in a way so they did not have to think about “their teenage years”. I do not believe trying to ” control” a child with no boundaries and no affection has caused the two incidents I would like to share. To make it short, my oldest sister is controlling to the point of my niece and nephew choosing to have an intimate relationship.
Another sister who is also controlling was not happy when her son and his girlfriend decided that the ultimate ” payback” was getting the girlfriend pregnant.
I have many stories as number 11 of 13 pregnancies.
My mom has always encouraged her grandchildren just like she taught her children how quickly and easily it is to become pregnant.
In my opinion, it is sad because I see more and more moms that are friends ” showing denial” even after their child becomes pregnant. So again as I share my opinions and stories, I am in know way judging others. It is difficult to fight peer pressure, but in my own experience, showering our children with love and respect, in my opinion, helps put some”reign” on “sexual activity” because children look directly at consequences, and they know that as their Mom or Dad, we will stand by them through everything.
I hope this helps a little. I have respected and looked at individual opinions and experiences.
I can only say through my personal opinion that unconditional love as parents seems to slow down the “need” for teenagers to become “too intimate”. And hopefully our teenagers learn as we teach them that the possibly of becoming pregnant lessens because when we, as parents, shower children with unconditional love, in my opinion, children may be less likely to go to extremes to find need love and support. Thanks for sharing “ideas and experiences”. Communication, “again in my opinion,” is the ultimate way to help teenagers
deal with each stage of life.
Thanks for listening.
Linda
July 10th, 2008 at 8:34 am
Hi Karherine,
I have had learned a great deal watching my husband loving and teaching our children. He has always loved both of our children with the same unconditional love.
My daughter and my husband are very close. It seems as though I am closer to my son, but actually, I love them both so much, I honestly can only let you know that from my personal experiences, dads are SO VERY important.
My opinion is that it is great that my husband has always taken our kids on adventures. I honestly believe that kids “know” mom is always available,but is it so cool to see my daughter and my son love their dad so much. As a survivor of
a very “hard” childhood, I am delighted that my “father” was wrong. and I have the best husband and dad for our children.
I do not know if that answers some of your questions, but please feel free to let me know if you want to communicate more.
I believe that ” Girls need a special bond with their dad” , My family is very close, and I am so lucky. I hope this helps and as I said before, please let me know if I can share more that will be helpful for you.
Thanks,
Linda
July 10th, 2008 at 6:05 pm
I strongly disagree with anyone administering any kind of birth control or other medical devices or procedures without Parental consent. Children are not able to make rational decisions about their health nor can they fully comprehend the side effects or risks carried by these interventions.
Are the schools who hand these drugs out willing to pay for any medical care that is needed due to undesireable side effects? Who is responsible if one of these teens dies from the contraceptive or procedure? Are these schools willing to take that gamble? Are they insured for the lawsuit that would occur if a child died due to their administering these drugs? Would they foot the bill for the funeral? Do they even consider the possibility of these contraceptives interacting negatively with any other medications the child is taking which they may not be aware of?
How can they justify going behind a parent\’s back and making these options available when these very same children cannot even get routine vaccinations or medical care without parental consent? It\’s ridiculous!
I conceived twins at age 17 and again at age 20. My father left when I was a baby. My mother is a drug addict. I did not have healthy role models. Yet I was a very smart girl. I knew full well that sex could result in pregnancy and/or STD\’s. I wasn\’t too concerned about either of those consequences. In a sense, I HOPED to get pregnant so people would pay attention to me. I was so lonely. I mistakenly believed that if I became pregnant that the father would love me and stay with me forever. I was VERY illogical but I truly believed this lie. I was SO irrational, even at 17-18 years old! And no matter how many times the guys left after he got his \"fil\"l I still believed this lie and moved on to the next guy. I\’m embarassed to admit that I had over 50 partners before my 21st birthday.
What may have prevented my teen pregnancies would have been someone teaching me the value of me, teaching me that sharing my body, my most intimate parts of myself was sacred and not to give it away to just anyone. Teaching me to value myself enough to wait, be selective, and yes, save myself for marriage. Nothing is more sacred that sharing your body with the one who will be with you for life. Sex should occur when there is mutual love and dedication and commitment between the man and woman.
Instead of asking myself, \"Is this guy good enough to share myself with? Does he meet my standards? Can I see myself growing old with him, sharing a room in a nursing home with him?\" I set out to find value in me as a person and I based my value on whether or not a guy would have sex with me.
No one told me those things. Promiscuity was what was modeled in my home. My mother looked for love by offering her body before she even knew the men she brought home. She was looking to fill the void in herself and I followed in her footsteps.
My twins are 12 and 9. Each set was a boy and a girl. I am not too concerned about them becoming sexually active. I am very open and honest with my children about my past mistakes. I explain the reasons why I regret the behavior I engaged in, how the consequences affected me, but more importantly, how my actions back then affect them now. The fathers are absent parents and my children suffer because of that. We discuss these things often.
Will that keep them abstinent until marriage? I really don\’t know. But what I do know is that if someone had invested time in me when I was their age, perhaps I would have valued myself enough to not share my body so ignorantly and so freely. All I can do is invest as much time as I can in my kids and teach them the values and morals I hold so dear and pray they don\’t make my mistakes.
If for some reason one or more of my children engage in premarital sex and conceive a child, I know my children will come to me…not to some stranger who doesn\’t have their best interests in mind, who will give them drugs to prevent pregnancy or perform some risky surgical procedures on them that kill their babies and can even kill them.
Is sex education the answer? Yes and no. It is part of the answer but not something that should be managed by the government or the schools. This kind of education needs to take place within the privacy and safety of home. What we SHOULD be doing is strengthening the parent-child bond by encouraging parents to discuss these things with their children and encouraging the children to trust their parents, go to their parents.
Educating the kids about STD\’s could be part of their health class but it has to be real. We can tell teenagers anything until their eyes glaze over and they zone us out. Put a class of kids in front of a projector and SHOW them what herpes looks like. Show them what genital warts look like. Have them watch a vaginal birth and a cesarean birth. Have them watch an abortion being performed. Show them what REALLY happens instead of telling them that they can have so called \"safe sex\". No sex is ever safe.
Right now with sex education in school and some schools handing out birth control, what is happening is that the parents are kept in the dark, their authority is upsurped and the schools enable the teens to continue engaging in risky promiscuous behavior. Birth control is widely available, but, as clearly demonstrated with this particular school, these girls wouldn\’t have used it. Their intent WAS to get pregnant. Availability of birth control wouldn\’t have prevented these girls from attaining their goal.
Are freely available birth control pills the answer? Absolutely not. My mother started me on birth control pills at the tender age of 11. I now have multiple reproductive problems…endometriosis, fibroids, severe adhesions, ovarian cysts, and I live in near constant pain. I am convinced that the reason for my health issues was the birth control. And I\’m certain, even if I can\’t prove it, that the reason why I had two sets of twins so young is because my body\’s abilty to ovulate was suppressed so long, before I even began menstrating.
Is abortion the answer or even an option? Never. All abortion does is enable reckless behavior and activity. People think abortion is a cure-all but really, it\’s part of the problem. Women don\’t have to worry about becoming pregnant since they can always \"get rid of it\" if necessary. Women do have a choice. They can choose to NOT have sex and thus not take the chance of conceiving. It\’s that simple. Adoption is a viable option for the sexually assaulted. And I say this as a survivor of multiple sexual assaults as a child.
Abstinence is truly the only guaranteed way to avoid unintentional pregnancy. It\’s not a religious theory…it\’s scientific FACT. Don\’t give them a false sense of security by teaching them \"safe sex\". Give them the truth about the real consequences of sex.
July 13th, 2008 at 1:25 am
TwinMomma2x,
I have to agree with you. The facts you mentioned do seem to be \"ignored, denied, embarrassment,etc.\", for many people who have their child become pregnant. My opinion does follow close to you. I already shared some of my experiences as a Mom and as a survivor of incest. I did not share my childhood trauma with my children. But with my, Husband as my best friend and partner of 22 years next week, I have found that sharing and teaching our children has been to their benefit. My daughter(18) told me one day that she did not want to be sexually active or have a child until she was more \"mature\" and was with the person she loved. Yes, my daughter has made choices she chooses not to repeat, but I think this goes back to Ken and I as her parents,repeating constantly how much we love her and her brother completely without judgment.
As a teenager, one of the traumas, I endured was that I was hired as a nanny for 2 summers for one of my teachers and his wife. I had a crush on Bill, but I was already being \"abused sexually,emotionally,verbally,physically,etc.\" so he was \"my safe zone\". One night when his wife went out of town, after I had the three little ones asleep, Bill came in and raped me. Even going home was not an option because my dad was viscious when he raped me. So hopefully so you will understand some of the reasons, I have always loved and taught my children is because after my teacher raped me, I became pregnant. I had a day off and I walked home to visit my mom. I had absolutely \"no\" control or protection from my father. My father always asked when my \"cycle\" was there, and I had no choice even if I lied that as I walked to visit my mom, I was once again at the mercy of my father. When he found out that someone else had\"raped\" me, and because I was \" his property\", he killed my baby, raped me, tortured me,and did it again to make sure I remembered \"his rules\".
So from my personal opinion, schools may try helping, but I have to agree that if parents choose not to teach their children, and they \"believe\" schools giving out \"condoms\" leaves these children, safe,yes, I do mean
children, the kids are left with t.v.,peer pressure,curiousity,hormones, etc., as the outlet to learn about \"sexual activity.\"
I was very very lucky. It tears my heart out that I lost a baby. But God gave me two more beautiful children.
So again, the only agenda I have to share these stories is because I do agree and I believe that Learning about \"human sexuality\" should be taught by parents before the child is even old enough to get pregnant. It is a very difficult subject for, from my experiences, some parents to share and teach this \"subject\" that truly seems to get more attention than the actual children.
I agree the stress and responsibility many teenagers feel should a \"unplanned pregnancy\" occur is something that they shouldn\’t even have to think about.
Once it occurrs, going from being a \"child\" to a \"parent-child\" is very hard for everyone involved. So again, in my opinion, parents should be \"very\" involved.
I hope this may help. I have found every post helpful. I believe if parents felt open enough to talk with other parents and their children, we would have less
\"unwanted\" pregnancies because I truly believe and have experienced that communication will always remain the \"door to learning and accepting.\"
Linda
July 17th, 2008 at 11:45 pm
I\’m confused. Why does it say \" mail will not be published????\"
Thanks,
Linda
July 18th, 2008 at 12:07 am
What “mail will not be published” means is that your email address will not be made public. Your comments are open to the public, just like on any other blog.