Taking Control

Child Behavior, Main Content, Parenting, Single Parenting, Teenagers, teens Add comments

As a parent, in your relationship with your difficult child, who is in control? When you ask your child to do something, does he do it, or does he offer excuses why he doesn’t need to obey?

If your child tells you why he doesn’t have to listen to you and gives you reasons why what you think he should be doing does not apply to him, then he is the one in control. What you are going to learn right now, is how to change that. And you will be able to do this immediately.

One of the biggest reasons parents lose control in their relationship with their children is that they voluntarily give up control. They don’t do this consciously, but that is what happens.

Parents who have lost control of the relationship with their children spend far too much time asking for obedience. When you ask your child to do something, you are already giving him the option to refuse. This erodes your authority.

The quickest way to gain control of the relationship with your child is just to take control. And this is so easy to do, that it is going to surprise you.

The way you take control is to assume that you are the one who is controlling the relationship. That means instead of asking your child to do something, you direct him to do it, and then assume he is going to listen to you.

Look at the way an army officer does this. He doesn’t ask the private if he would mind staying up all night on guard duty.

He simply tells him, “You are on duty tonight,” and walks away expecting it to be done. There is no discussion, no negotiation, no begging or nagging.

This does not mean you should be domineering or disrespectful. You must treat your child with the same degree of respect that you would have him treat you.


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6 Responses to “Taking Control”

  1. Ursula Granger Says:

    Thank you soooo much for posting all these FREE tips on your blog :) I cannot aford your program right now but I have a child with ODD );
    I also realize that have already done this and it works but I couldn’t remember why she had actually listened and now I know why! Lol
    Thanks for making me realize this, GREAT TIP!

  2. Laura Says:

    I have to say I am easily bullied so this situation is typical yet makes me a nervous wreck,. using this phrase and feeling slightly stronger, my daughter certainly did what I asked/she was supposed to be doing. Thanks for the videos.

  3. Anonymous Says:

    I am going to try this tip. I have tried it before but gave up after three or four direct statements/leaving the room. Given the pattern that our son has of needing up to 16-20 repeats of directions before he complies, I will have to practice patience while executing and following through :-)

  4. admin Says:

    Yes. Sometimes it can take 20 repeats. But if you are persistent, don’t get angry, and maintain your composure, eventually you child will start listening without all the effort and patience on your part.

    You have to be willing to go longer than he is.

  5. Donna Says:

    What do you do when your child still doesn’t comply with you? I have tried this practice yesterday and it took my daughter almost an hour to wash up. She ended up going to bed later than scheduled.

  6. Debbie Says:

    I have twin boyz and they will argue back with me. they do not take what i say as the last word. Thanks for this site.

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