As a parent, in your relationship with your difficult child, who is in control? When you ask your child to do something, does he do it, or does he offer excuses why he doesn’t need to obey?
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If your child tells you why he doesn’t have to listen to you and gives you reasons why what you think he should be doing does not apply to him, then he is the one in control. What you are going to learn right now, is how to change that. And you will be able to do this immediately.
One of the biggest reasons parents lose control in their relationship with their children is that they voluntarily give up control. They don’t do this consciously, but that is what happens.
Parents who have lost control of the relationship with their children spend far too much time asking for obedience. When you ask your child to do something, you are already giving him the option to refuse. This erodes your authority.
The quickest way to gain control of the relationship with your child is just to take control. And this is so easy to do, that it is going to surprise you.
The way you take control is to assume that you are the one who is controlling the relationship. That means instead of asking your child to do something, you direct him to do it, and then assume he is going to listen to you.
Look at the way an army officer does this. He doesn’t ask the private if he would mind staying up all night on guard duty.
This does not mean you should be domineering or disrespectful. You must treat your child with the same degree of respect that you would have him treat you.
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Thank you soooo much for posting all these FREE tips on your blog
I cannot aford your program right now but I have a child with ODD );
I also realize that have already done this and it works but I couldn’t remember why she had actually listened and now I know why! Lol
Thanks for making me realize this, GREAT TIP!
I have to say I am easily bullied so this situation is typical yet makes me a nervous wreck,. using this phrase and feeling slightly stronger, my daughter certainly did what I asked/she was supposed to be doing. Thanks for the videos.
I am going to try this tip. I have tried it before but gave up after three or four direct statements/leaving the room. Given the pattern that our son has of needing up to 16-20 repeats of directions before he complies, I will have to practice patience while executing and following through
Yes. Sometimes it can take 20 repeats. But if you are persistent, don’t get angry, and maintain your composure, eventually you child will start listening without all the effort and patience on your part.
You have to be willing to go longer than he is.
What do you do when your child still doesn’t comply with you? I have tried this practice yesterday and it took my daughter almost an hour to wash up. She ended up going to bed later than scheduled.
I have twin boyz and they will argue back with me. they do not take what i say as the last word. Thanks for this site.
Thankyou, what I learned from this video as well as the other video’s worked quite well for mine and my boyfriends son, who was DX with ADHA, ADD and ODD, improved our relationship. A lot more work to go because I can’t get his parents to get involved. From watching your videos he and I are starting to form a respectful relationship. I am his primary care taker, both of his parents work so he is with me here at his fathers home more than he is with him. They have shared custody. This is hard for me, I have Multiple Sclerosis, Fibromyalgia, sleep Apnea, Insomnia and severe sciatic pain. You can figure the rest. He is eight yrs old and my heart goes out to him. He does not understand why he is the way he is. I want to explain to him about his condition but his parents won’t let me and would rather put him in therapy. I think they also need therapy. What you are doing is a blessing to all parents and their children with these problems. Please make a video to let the parents and caretakers of these children know if they should or not explain to their kids about what they have to help them understand and learn how to control their behavior. He asks me all the time if he was good.
There are other ways to go about having a stronger, more loving relationship with your child than this. This approach will get them to do what you need them to do. If that is all you want to have with your child, then go this route. If you follow your heart, your heart will tell you that there is more going on. The child is a human being who isn’t feeling engaged by homework or school and has dreams and goals and a sense or wonder that goes beyond institutional learning. Think out of the box and see that you can journey alongside your child without sqashing their sense of self worth. It never has to be control over. You don’t have to do what was done to you growing up. You can be courageous and experiment with new things that feel higher than this as they allow everyone to flourish…. everyone’s needs can be met. You can be a loving guide on the side that naturally commands respect through your radience and love of life. This is the most fulfilling path one can imagine. I’m doing it. So can you.