It has always been tough raising pre-teens and teenagers. I have found quotes dating back to 600 BC talking complaining about the “moral decline of today’s youth” and worries of “how much worse can it possibly get?”
Well, it seems it can get a lot worse. One of the latest fads of modern culture is instant text messaging- the Twitter phenomenon.
A lot of people do it. A lot of people don’t get it.
I am in the “don’t get it” crowd, but I can understand that for teens, for whom friends and social contacts are everything, Twittering (or Tweeting?) can become a real passion.
So maybe it is a big waste of time, but more than that it sounds pretty harmless, right? Well, guess again. Through the miracle of modern technology, not only can you send text messages, you now can instantly send photos.
And our children are doing just that. They are sending pictures or videos to their friends.
Of themselves.
Nude.
A recent survey shows that 20% of teens have posted semi nude or nude pictures or videos of themselves and sent them to friends. Twice that number send sexually laden messages to each other. This new trend called ‘Sexting’ seems to be taking off, particularly with teens, and both boys and girls are doing it.
The usual scenario is that a boyfriend or girlfriend wants to give their partner a “present” and this is the form it takes. Sort of like love letters in the Victorian era, but a bit more graphic. The problem is that love letters get thrown away when the relationship is over. Any picture or message floating around in cyberspace is there forever.
But a lot of times it doesn’t just float around. What very often happens is that these private ‘messages’ get passed around- a lot- particularly among guys.
What also happens is that when the relationship goes south, as most teen romances do, these pictures and videos get posted publicly for revenge. There are entire websites the teens put up whose sole purpose it to trash their ex.
No one can predict the what role sexting is going to play in the future. It won’t be long before these kids grow up look for jobs and raise families. What are they going to do when their co-workers find these pictures and start passing them around? How are they going to explain it to their eight year old boy he finds a nude videos of Mom online?
So he are the questions for you:
If you have a child with a cell phone or an internet connection, he or she is probably texting.
How aware are you of what your child is sending?
Does the possibility your son or daughter is now or will be in the near future sending and receiving naked pictures and videos of his or her friends bother you?
Do parents have a right to know what is in the messages?
What do you think we should do about this problem?
Please post your comments below:
Warmly,
Anthony Kane, MD
P S The new ODD program for children and for teenagers is now ready.
If you have a child between the ages of 2-11 go to:
If you have an adolescent or teen 12 or older go to:
I think parents should take their child\\\’s cell phone every night – it can be charged in the parents\\\\\\\’ bedroom. Parents should be looking at all the pics. However, if the child knows you will be reading the texts and looking at the pics, he/she will just delete them.I don\\\\\\\’t know if you can get access to them through your cell phone provider or not. Something to check into.
This is great information. Sexting is one of the new “wolves” in our culture; these wolves are rapidly multiplying. Parents have to be vigilant in protecting their children, or they will be devoured. Thanks again for this post.
My boys are still young, but after reading 19 Minutes by Jodi Picoult, my husband and I have had a number of conversations on how to handle bullying and things like cell phone use.
We wonder what happened to rules? When we were kids, we were not allowed on the phone for an extended period of time, we were not allowed to make calls after a certain hours, and our phone was in the kitchen – public use. (and attached to a wall in some cases). None of this, going to my room to talk, watch TV, or computer. We’re a family unit, not roommates.
So we have decided that cell phones will be turned in at the door. My sits in a basket now, so all will sit in the basket. If it rings, we answer it as needed, but it’s not attached to the hip at home. I’m sure when we need to we will refine these rules as necessary.
Another thing is the camera feature. My sister-in-law purchased a track phone with out a camera for her 12 year old. I think that’s smart.
Parents need to be smart and do the responsible thing. Will their kids “hate” them for this. Probably, but didn’t we all “hate” our parents at one time or another? It’s part of growing up.
Most importantly, keep the line of communication open, then they won’t “delete” stuff, they’ll share.
I agree with Mary Ann and Donna; I\\\’m starting to take the phone at night, no texting until after HW is complete and no texting friends after 8:30. Certain \\"friends\\" have been requested to use the home phone rather than the cell, so one side of the conversation is public. Right now, we are dealing with forwarded messages that are inappropriate, but it won\\\’t be long until we have video and pictures that may be that way. Alan is right; It\\\’s up to us as parents to stay vigilant and strong when it comes to our culture influencing our children. It\\\’s my biggest battle. Yes, the kids may delete the texts, which has happened to me. We can see all the information except the content on line. Of course, it\\\’s the content that worries us the most. I was in the group of \\"no cell phones until driving\\" and changed my mind. The cell phone has brought out good and bad character traits since it\\\’s arrival in our house. I\\\’m trying to use it as a tool for improvement, even the negative things. Thanks for alerting me to the next chapter: \\"sexting\\". I\\\’ll be ready.
My son 22 wonders why we wont give him a cell phone of his own. He has run up our phone bill on a couple of occassions with the sex text junk, we turned off the internet to the phone and havnt\’ had a problem since, but it took us getting burnt 2 times to learn our lesson. We also learned another lesson, we cant beleive a word he says. Sad but true.