Today we are going to discuss what to do when your child uses foul language, bad language, or even curses you. Specifically, when you give a consequence, discipline or do something your child does not like, and they curse at you as a response.

You have to understand what your child is trying to achieve.

First of all you told them something he did not like. That means you are exerting your power and control over your child and his natural response is to:

(1) resent you and try to attack you, and

(2) try to show he has control over you in some aspect.

That is what the foul language, bad language, or cursing achieves.


It shows, first of all, that it expresses his anger in you. Second, he controls what comes out of his mouth and you don’t. It gives him an air of control where you have no control.

The way you handle this problem is to recognize what your child is trying to do and do not get sucked in. You do not get drawn into a battle. You do not respond at this point, and you do not let your child suck you into an argument or respond really in any way.

You want to maintain your dignity and control of the situation.

For example, let’s say your child comes home late and misses curfew, your consequence is for the next week, the next couple of days, or the next couple of times he has got to be home an hour earlier. He gets angry and curses at you. You say, “Nevertheless, for the next week, you have got to be home an hour early” and you walk away.


You do not get dragged into battle. You do not say, “How dare you curse at me.” You do not get involved in any way at all in what he said.

That does not mean you let it go. You can come back later at a different time and say, “You know you cursed at me yesterday, you cursed at me an hour ago, two hours ago. You are not allowed to do that and there is a consequence for that also” and then you give a consequence for cursing.


Do not let the cursing, the bad talk, the bad language, or the anger of your child get you off track. Your child’s goal is to exert his power, exert his control and to show you that he has something over you. Do not let him get away with it.

Stay in control, stay in focus, keep on topic, and at a later time when things are calm, go back and address the cursing or the bad language. Do not let it go. Do not say you are giving in. Don’t do anything other than stay on track now and make sure you address it later.

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Warmly,

    Anthony Kane, MD
      P S Please leave a comment because I would really like to get your reaction to this.

        If you would like to have a quick step-by-step plan on how to end your child's difficult behavior forever and your child is between the ages of 2 and 11:

          Please go to:

          How to Improve Your Child's Behavior

          Teens misbehave because we allow them to misbehave. If your child is staying out too late then you need to change the rules and the way you enforce them.

          You are the parent and you set the rules. If your teenager is breaking your rules it is either because your child thinks there are no rules or she thinks she doesn’t need to follow them.

          If this is happening in your home you need to explain to your child that there are rules and that there are consequences for breaking the rules. Then you need to follow through.

          Your teenager must know that good choices have good consequences and bad choices have bad consequences.

          Please share this article.

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          Warmly,

            Anthony Kane, MD
              P S Please leave a comment because I would really like to get your reaction to this.

                If you would like to have a quick step-by-step plan on how to end your child's difficult behavior forever and your child is between the ages of 2 and 11:

                  Please go to:

                  How to Improve Your Child's Behavior

                  part 1

                  Things to Look For

                  These are few things that could tell you if your child suffers from touch sensitivity:

                  • Your child has strong reactions to sensations that other people tend to ignore.
                  • Your child is easily distracted by things that touch him and bother him.
                  • Your child tries to avoid being touched.
                  • He insists that all the labels and tags from his clothing be cut off.
                  • He insists on wearing certain fabrics while having an aversion to others.
                  • He quarrels with you while you are doing regular things such as clipping his nails, washing his hair, etc.
                  • He avoids certain foods because of the way they ‘feel’.
                  • He likes sensations that he views to be calming, and these could include firm pressure or rocking.

                  The mouth, the tongue, the palms, and the soles, are amongst the most sensitive regions in people who suffer from this condition in children and adults alike.

                  Common Coexisting Disorders:

                  This condition is indeed problematic. While touch sensitivity can occur on its own, it is often a part of a more complex set of problems that a child a facing. Children who suffer from touch sensitivity can also have any of the following disorders:

                  • Bed wetting
                  • Problems with motor coordination
                  • Difficulties with motor planning
                  • Difficulties in ‘hand eye’ coordination
                  • Allergies
                  • Delays in speech & language
                  • Bad eating habits
                  • Recurrent ear infections
                  • Emotional insecurity
                  • High anxiety levels
                  • Sleep disorders
                  • Digestive problems

                  Also, there are a number of other disorders wherein touch sensitivity is also a component.

                  These include:

                  • ADHD
                  • Bipolar Disorder
                  • Autism
                  • Down Syndrome
                  • Asperger’s Syndrome
                  • Dyslexia
                  • Selective Mutism
                  • Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
                  • Learning Disabilities
                  • Pervasive Developmental Delay
                  • Fragile X
                  • Fetal Alcohol Syndrome

                  The Cause of Touch Sensitivity:

                  As with most disorders that are linked to our complex neurological systems, not much is known about why adults and children suffer from various sensory integration disorders. When, in the field of medicine, the cause of something remains unknown, the cause is termed to be idiopathic. This is simply an ancient way of saying ‘we don’t really know’.

                  We, as scientists, get very uncomfortable when we do not know the reason behind something. This has resulted in a number of theories surrounding what are the different things that can cause our sensory processing to work haphazardly.


                  At least 5 different hypotheses about this topic are already in place, the most recent of which suggests that an abnormality in the cerebellum (the part of the brain that works in modulating motor sensory activity) can cause this condition. While some of these theories might hold some ground, recent developments have only gone on to show that this field still remains idiopathic.

                  What Next?
                  This condition is a result of a sensory motor integration deficit. The goal in treating this condition is to try and fix the disorder by giving the sufferer a way to develop his sensory integration. The therapy’s goal should be to bring about a normalcy in motor planning and sensory integration by improving how the nervous system works in registering and interpreting information relating to touch.

                  Touch sensitivity treatment is mostly carried out by trained occupational therapists. If you think that your child might suffer from this condition, it is important that you get the diagnosis done by someone who is trained and qualified in identifying problems relating to sensory integration.

                  Consulting your pediatrician first is suggested and you can then get referred to a Pediatric Occupational Therapist for the diagnosis as well as the treatment. He would then take over the treatment plan for your child and would also tell you about things that you can do to help your child at home.

                  Remember that while touch sensitivity is only one amongst the many sensory motor integration deficits that can affect children, it can also occur along with conditions such as Bipolar Disorder, ADHD, etc.

                  While statistics are unclear, sensory integration disorders do seem to be quite common. While this condition can appear to be quite handicapping, you should know that it can often be treated.

                  If you think that your child might suffer from this condition, it is important that he is taken for a complete evaluation that is conducted by a trained motor planning and sensory integration therapist.

                  Please share this article.

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                  Warmly,

                    Anthony Kane, MD
                      P S Please leave a comment because I would really like to get your reaction to this.

                        If you would like to have a quick step-by-step plan on how to end your child's difficult behavior forever and your child is between the ages of 2 and 11:

                          Please go to:

                          How to Improve Your Child's Behavior

                          In this study 200 children ages 5 to 12 were surveyed concerning their caffeine consumption. 150 children consumed caffeine on a daily basis.

                          They found that some children as young as five consumed daily the amount of caffeine in a can of soda. The average child between the ages 8 to 12 had 109 mg of caffeine daily, equal to 3 cans of soda.

                          Poor sleep quality was linked directly to the amount of caffeine consumed. however, contrary to popular belief caffeine consumption had no connection to bed wetting.

                          Source

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                          Get ADHD and ODD
                          Teen Behavior Help

                          for children 12 and older
                          If being a parent is difficult, then being a stepparent is nearly impossible. Yet in the United States half of all first marriages break up. More and more people are finding themselves in the position of being a stepparent. This article will describe for you what you are up against as a stepparent and what you should do to succeed.

                          Part 1-The Stepparent from Child’s Point of View

                          If the child is young when his parent remarries, then things usually go smoothly. The child grows up living with his stepparent and sees the other natural parent outside of the home. Such a child usually views having multiple parents as normal and often develops a closer relationship to the stepparent than the other natural parent.


                          The problems begin if the new stepparent appears on the scene when the child is older. Older children rarely view the new adult as a true parent. More often they view the new adult as an intruder into their home.

                          There are a number of reasons for this:

                          When the first marriage breaks up, the child had to make a major adjustment to live in a single parent household. With time the new living situation became set and normal. The appearance of a new adult disrupts everything. This is particularly true if there are also new siblings in the picture.

                          Up until now the child had the undivided attention of the parent. Now the child has to compete with an outsider.

                          When his parent brings a new adult into the household, the child may feel that the original “contract” with his natural parent has been violated. He feels betrayed. It was his home and his parent brought in an intruder. Such a child may react to the stepparent like any native whose homeland was violated.

                          Children often fantasize that their parents will get back together. The new stepparent destroys all possibilities of this happening.

                          A child feels loyalty to his natural parent. He may think that it was he that caused his other parent to leave the household. This will be especially true if parent’s visits are rare or erratic. As a result he may feel guilty, angry, and abandoned. He may feel that showing affection or developing a relationship with the new stepparent will be a betrayal of his natural parent.

                          All of these things give a child a lot of reasons to resent the stepparent.

                          continued

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