Today we are going to discuss what to do when your child uses foul language, bad language, or even curses you. Specifically, when you give a consequence, discipline or do something your child does not like, and they curse at you as a response.

You have to understand what your child is trying to achieve.

First of all you told them something he did not like. That means you are exerting your power and control over your child and his natural response is to:

(1) resent you and try to attack you, and

(2) try to show he has control over you in some aspect.

That is what the foul language, bad language, or cursing achieves.


It shows, first of all, that it expresses his anger in you. Second, he controls what comes out of his mouth and you don’t. It gives him an air of control where you have no control.

The way you handle this problem is to recognize what your child is trying to do and do not get sucked in. You do not get drawn into a battle. You do not respond at this point, and you do not let your child suck you into an argument or respond really in any way.

You want to maintain your dignity and control of the situation.

For example, let’s say your child comes home late and misses curfew, your consequence is for the next week, the next couple of days, or the next couple of times he has got to be home an hour earlier. He gets angry and curses at you. You say, “Nevertheless, for the next week, you have got to be home an hour early” and you walk away.


You do not get dragged into battle. You do not say, “How dare you curse at me.” You do not get involved in any way at all in what he said.

That does not mean you let it go. You can come back later at a different time and say, “You know you cursed at me yesterday, you cursed at me an hour ago, two hours ago. You are not allowed to do that and there is a consequence for that also” and then you give a consequence for cursing.


Do not let the cursing, the bad talk, the bad language, or the anger of your child get you off track. Your child’s goal is to exert his power, exert his control and to show you that he has something over you. Do not let him get away with it.

Stay in control, stay in focus, keep on topic, and at a later time when things are calm, go back and address the cursing or the bad language. Do not let it go. Do not say you are giving in. Don’t do anything other than stay on track now and make sure you address it later.

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Warmly,

    Anthony Kane, MD
      P S Please leave a comment because I would really like to get your reaction to this.

        If you would like to have a quick step-by-step plan on how to end your child's difficult behavior forever and your child is between the ages of 2 and 11:

          Please go to:

          How to Improve Your Child's Behavior

          If you are like most parents you have probably discussed with your teen the dangers of alcohol. And if your teenager is like most teens, he or she probably ignored everything you said.

          Most teens engage in underage drinking. Since we as parents don;t seem to be able to stop it, how do we handle our teenagers drinking?

          Here are three tips to help you approach this problem.

            1-Adapt your focus:
            Instead of focusing your conversations on why not to drink, discuss what to do if your teen does get drunk. Emphasize that you are not endorsing underage drinking, but your child should not be afraid to call you if he or she makes a mistake. That’s a lot safer than trying to drive home drunk.

            2-Be aware of possible drinking situations:
            If your teen is going to a party or sleeping over a friend’s house be aware of the risks. If you feel the chance of alcohol use is high, have your teen call every hour or two. You can judge by your teenager’s voice and the background noise where your teen is holding.

            If you feel things are going in the wrong direction, pick up your child. Don;t get into a fight, but calmly tell your child that he needs to come home. You can discuss why after your teen calms down.

            3-If you catch your teen drunk:
            First get your child to bed without lectures or discussion. In the morning calmly explain that your are disappointed in her behavior and expect better from her in the future. Don’t lose control or go overboard on the punishment.

          Please share this article.

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          Disciplining teenagers is hard. Discipline is a teaching experience and teens resist this. They feel that they know better than we do.

          Your child wants to be independent. You need to teach your teen that independence is earned. It is the

          Here are some action steps:

          1. Set up your rules
          2. Make your expectations clear
          3. Follow through when your teen makes poor choices
          4. Acknowledge and reward your teenager when he or she makes good choices

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          Teens misbehave because we allow them to misbehave. If your child is staying out too late then you need to change the rules and the way you enforce them.

          You are the parent and you set the rules. If your teenager is breaking your rules it is either because your child thinks there are no rules or she thinks she doesn’t need to follow them.

          If this is happening in your home you need to explain to your child that there are rules and that there are consequences for breaking the rules. Then you need to follow through.

          Your teenager must know that good choices have good consequences and bad choices have bad consequences.

          Please share this article.

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          Warmly,

            Anthony Kane, MD
              P S Please leave a comment because I would really like to get your reaction to this.

                If you would like to have a quick step-by-step plan on how to end your child's difficult behavior forever and your child is between the ages of 2 and 11:

                  Please go to:

                  How to Improve Your Child's Behavior

                  We teach children to value extended family by showing that we value extended family. You need to model what you want your children to do.

                  This includes being respectful. Kids need to know that even if they don’t like a certain relative, they still must be polite.

                  Parents can impress upon children the importance of extended family by creating family traditions that include the extended family members. Holiday dinners and monthly visits will impress upon your child that he has people who care about him beyond those who live at home with him.

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