By Kim Patrick

Child discipline can be easy for parents. The thing to remember is that your kids need good boundaries to start off with. Children need to know that there are certain rules to life. Remember, we are teaching our kids how to function in the adult world, and in the adult world we have certain boundaries.

Here is an example:

If you speed in your car and get pulled over by an officer of the law, you will get a speeding ticket. That is the consequence for speeding. When you first get your driver’s license you are told to obey the laws of the road. If you choose to disobey them you can expect to get a ticket if you are caught.

Kids need to know what to take responsibility for. If you let them away with pushing the boundaries they will continue to do so, until such a time as you, the parent, change what you are doing. It is important not to confuse our kids and to be consistent with what we say to them. Kids can only oblige when they fully understand what is required of them.

Kids who understand the concept of boundaries are not only better behaved but they also create personal boundaries in their own lives more readily. These kids have the ability to choose wisely and usually make very good choices. The reason for this is that they know and understand that a good choice equates to a good consequence.

Our job as a parent is to help our kids internalize this so that it becomes automatic. An example is this: whenever my son wants me to take him somewhere he first will clean his room and make sure that all of his chores are done. He knows that this is highly likely to get a favorable response from me. And this is the ideal: having kids that understand the likelihood of good things happening when they pull their weight around the house and in life in general.

This can also work in reverse. One of my older boys sometimes focuses so much on what he wants that he forgets to do what is requires of him before he asks me. The end result is that I often say “no” to him. This is the way the real world operates and I am doing my child no favors if I bend the rules because I feel sorry for him.

Remember this, parents. It is not your job to be liked; it is your job to provide safe boundaries for your child to thrive within and live safely. When you do this child discipline will be so much easier and your child will be happier.

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Kim Patrick is a single mum with four children who lives on the Sunshine Coast of Queensland, Australia. She is a seminar speaker, parenting coach, author and also runs an online mentoring program to empower parents to raise their children well.

Kim’s latest creation is the “My Sleeping Angel” CD series aimed at facilitating behavioral changes in children while they are asleep. These CDs have earned her national television recognition as well as much media attention. Kim’s web site is http://www.yourchildcanbehave.com

Today we are going to discuss when to fight.

Now, if you have been following my videos for some time, you understand that, at all costs, we try to avoid conflict, battles, and fighting with our children, and keep the peace whenever possible.

However, there are some issues and rules that you cannot ignore or overlook with your ODD child or teenager.

Which rules? That is your personal choice. However, every parent has things which are in his or her mind a priority. You must be clear what they are and you must make your child clear what they are. You should feel that they are vital and that you must take a stand upon these issues. These are rules that your child must obey.

You should have a very clear understanding why these rules and issues are important to you. Your reasons should be very clear in your mind before you get into a conflict with your child.

But when such issues comes up there are certain things that you, as a parent, cannot and should not let go.

Some examples of these issues might be safety, honestly, stealing, lying, or criminal behavior. So if or when these come up, you should deal with them accordingly. You must be prepared to stand up on them.

If you get into a conflict with your child on these issues, you must do it with the understanding that you are going to win. Be very clear in your mind what the issues are, where you are going to make your stand, and make your stand firm and strong.

Do not give in, do not back down, and do not negotiate. These are issues you cannot negotiate upon.

Again, you should try to avoid conflicts whenever possible, but if you are in a conflict with your child or teen, you should go into it to win.

This means that you have to be prepared for an all out battle. You cannot be running off somewhere else. If you are in a discussion with your child about something and it is an important issue to you, you have to carry it out to the end.

Remember, we try to avoid battles and conflict with our ODD children whenever possible. However, on the really important issues be prepared to stand up and fight and be certain to win.

Please leave a comment below.

Consistency in Parenting
by Kim Patrick

Being consistent is very important as a parent. What our kids need to know is what to expect if they present us with a certain kind of behavior. Kids should know without a shadow of a doubt what our reaction will be, every time. Good parents will react in the same way to the same problem.

This helps our kids understand and in turn make an educated decision, perhaps about whether it is worth mucking up. For instance, if your child cam home late from school and you grounded them for a week, they would most likely think very long and hard about whether to repeat the behavior, due to the steep consequence. When we are consistent we actually help our kids behave.

Most parents are not consistent in what they do, and need to work on things in order to make life easier for our kids. And that’s what our job is, to help make life easier for our kids. The end result we want is for them to become well equipped to face life as an adult one day. But in order to do this we need to train our kids up to do things the right way.

Most times when children misbehave it is because they want to test to see if you will remain firm in your boundaries. Kids actually feel relieved when we do stick to our agreed upon boundaries. They feel secure when they know what things are going to be like. And the thing is that when we change the rules without letting the kids know we bring trouble upon ourselves.

Kids get confused when we move the boundaries and that’s when things go wrong. I can give you an example: I do not allow my daughter to have friends sleepover on a Sunday evening because she has school the next day. But one evening she had a friend over and she begged me to change my mind just once. I gave in and said OK, against my better judgment. Actually I somehow managed to justify it in my mind.

That was fine until the next weekend when the same thing happened. This time it was harder to say no to her. Once again the next week she asked me and now she asks me nearly every single Sunday night. I am still paying the price for not sticking to my boundaries. The problem is that I said yes just once and now my daughter is wondering when I am going to say yes just once more. I have blown it with that boundary and it is totally my fault.

When we go back on a boundary we will experience the repercussions for weeks after the fact. It’s not just a once off occurrence because the kids will pick up on the inconsistencies and bombard you like never before. And it’s your own fault when that happens. And it’s much harder to go back and rectify things. It is much better not to go there in the first place.

Next time your child tries to push a boundary, remember that all kids push boundaries and they do it because they actually want to know that you won’t waver in them. So do your child a favor today and stick to your boundaries and practice consistency in your parenting.

Kim Patrick is a single mum with four children who lives on the Sunshine Coast of Queensland, Australia. She is a seminar speaker, parenting coach, author and also runs an online mentoring program to empower parents to raise their children well.

Kim’s latest creation is the “My Sleeping Angel” CD series aimed at facilitating behavioral changes in children while they are asleep. These CDs have earned her national television recognition as well as much media attention. Kim’s web site is http://www.yourchildcanbehave.com .