One of the most common complains that I have from parents is the problem of anger in children. Their  child seems to explode, blow up and cause all sort of problems at home, when they get angry.

One of the things we’ll discuss today is how we can tell if a child really has an anger problem, or is it something else.

The one indicator of whether a child has problem with anger is how often he gets angry. Does he get angry constantly? Is he always going off?  Do you have to run away and hide whenever he’s around because he’s going to explode about something? Or is this very infrequent?

If the anger is constant or very frequent and you have a problem of anger at home.  You need to determine what that problem is and what the source is. For example, could it be that your child actually has a problem managing his anger.  It could be something you’re doing to set their anger off. It’s very important for you to know what to do, what are the cause is in order to figure out what you should do to take care of this problem.

So with that in mind I’ve created for you a form you can fill out to determine the situation of anger in your home and what you can do about it.

The form is located at http://ccparenting.com/anger . You go over there and fill out the form. We’ll give you a quick analysis and you will be able to determine exactly how you need to fix the problem of anger in your home.

Today we are going to discuss what to do when your child uses foul language, bad language, or even curses you. Specifically, when you give a consequence, discipline or do something your child does not like, and they curse at you as a response.

You have to understand what your child is trying to achieve.

First of all you told them something he did not like. That means you are exerting your power and control over your child and his natural response is to:

(1) resent you and try to attack you, and

(2) try to show he has control over you in some aspect.

That is what the foul language, bad language, or cursing achieves.

It shows, first of all, that it expresses his anger in you. Second, he controls what comes out of his mouth and you don’t. It gives him an air of control where you have no control.

The way you handle this problem is to recognize what your child is trying to do and do not get sucked in. You do not get drawn into a battle. You do not respond at this point, and you do not let your child suck you into an argument or respond really in any way.

You want to maintain your dignity and control of the situation.

For example, let’s say your child comes home late and misses curfew, your consequence is for the next week, the next couple of days, or the next couple of times he has got to be home an hour earlier. He gets angry and curses at you. You say, “Nevertheless, for the next week, you have got to be home an hour early” and you walk away.

You do not get dragged into battle. You do not say, “How dare you curse at me.” You do not get involved in any way at all in what he said.

That does not mean you let it go. You can come back later at a different time and say, “You know you cursed at me yesterday, you cursed at me an hour ago, two hours ago. You are not allowed to do that and there is a consequence for that also” and then you give a consequence for cursing.

Do not let the cursing, the bad talk, the bad language, or the anger of your child get you off track. Your child’s goal is to exert his power, exert his control and to show you that he has something over you. Do not let him get away with it.

Stay in control, stay in focus, keep on topic, and at a later time when things are calm, go back and address the cursing or the bad language. Do not let it go. Do not say you are giving in. Don’t do anything other than stay on track now and make sure you address it later.

Today I am going to discuss how you get your adolescent or teenager to participate with the family and be part of the family. This is a big problem.

The first thing you must understand is the stage your child is going through. At some point when your child hits adolescence he starts moving away from the family. He is growing up. It is normal for your child to try to become more independent of you and become much more attached to his friends. Growing away from the family is normal. In fact, if your teen is not doing this, it could be a sign of a problem.

More than that, many teens at this age find being with the family and particularly being with you, the parent, to be an embarrassment. They don’t want to be around you. They are embarrassed to be around you in public. Again, this is normal. It is a stage. It is not a reflection of how your child really feels about you.

Teens want to be cool. They want to seem big and being with mommy or daddy just doesn’t work with that image. So if you have a teen at home and he is shying away from being with the family, there is a very good reason for this. Your child really does not want to be with you. He is embarrassed to be with you in public.

However, you are still his parents and he is still part of the family. How do you get him to behave that way?

First of all, we are living in kind of a crazy world right now where there is a breakdown of the family life in general. Family members go in and out of the house at different times. All the kids have different schedules. No one seems to get together at all. This is a big problem and it erodes the closeness of the family. It is a society-wide problem.

What we recommend is to make a fixed family time on a consistent basis. It can be once a week, once a month or some time in between that. It is a time for all family members to spend together and everyone is expected to be there. You can have a family dinner once a week. You can schedule a family night to do something. Make it a requirement that everybody in your family to be there.

That means you have to be there and all the children have to be there. This will give you children the idea that they are part of a family, not just a bunch of individuals who live in the same house.

As you and your children get older these family times will become very pleasant memories. Your children will remember that they are part of a family. This will help your children to remain close as they grow older.

You should not expect these times to run smoothly always. However, like any other time, your children are expected to behave themselves. If your teen acts out because he doesn’t want to be there you give appropriate discipline. Your child may not like it, but he is expected to behave himself and to participate. You should expect some grumbling from time to time. Try to overlook as much as you can. You are building memories.

Our world is moving very, very fast. The family unit is being lost. It is important to have a regular family time. This will help your family stay a family.