The One Word that Will Allow You to:

• Control Any Argument with Your Child or Teen
• Give You Authority
• Command and Demand Respect
• Increase Your Dignity
• Show Your Child or Teenager that You’re the One Who’s in Control

When your child argues with you, it can:

*    Destroy your authority
*    Erode respect
*    Frustrate you
*    Leave you feeling helpless, not knowing what to do

Even if you get your way, the mere fact that you need to
argue with your child takes away from your position as the
parent, the one in charge.

But it doesn’t have to be that way.

You can maintain control even when your child is arguing with
you.  And you can do this with one word….

The word is ‘and’…

Here is how it works:

Let’s say that your child is arguing with you about something.

Let your child state his case without interrupting.  If your
child is really heated up about the issue he may go on and on.
You can tell that he is out of ammunition when he starts to repeat himself.

Once your child has finished venting, now it is your turn.

You reply in a three part sentence.

In part one you address your child by name and restate your
child’s position.  This establishes that you are listening.

Part two is the word ‘and’.  The word ‘and’ is better than
‘but’ because ‘but’ implies conflict where the word ‘and’
does not.

In reality you are not in conflict.  You both want what is
best for your child.  You just have different opinions of
what that is.

Part three is what you want your child to do and that he is
expected to comply.  There is no further discussion on the
point, no further debate, and no negotiating on the matter.

How is your child going to respond to this approach?

He is going to hate it. Your child will be upset, he will
argue, he may scream about how unfair you are.  However,
the most you ever do is to restate your original three part
statement.

There is no negotiating and explanations here.  You may even
leave the room if you need to do so.  Just don’t get sucked
into an argument.

So this is what it sounds like:

“Mom, you are so unfair.  All my friends are going away
skiing in Vermont this weekend and you are not letting me go.”

“Yes, Suzie, you feel that I am being unfair not letting you
go and I maintain that you don’t go.”

“I can’t stand it.  You are treating me like a little child.
Why can’t I go?”

“I understand Suzie that you feel that I am treating you like
a child and I am refusing to let you go.”

“I hate you. You let Brad do anything he wants but you never
let me do anything.”

“I understand, Suzie, that you feel that I let your older
brother do things and I don’t let you do them and I am saying
you cannot go.  Now please excuse me.  I need to go to the
kitchen to get dinner ready.”

Is this going to work every time?  No.  Nothing will work every
time.  There is no magic here.  However, what will happen is
that you will not get side tracked onto other issues.

You will walk away from these confrontations feeling empowered
and dignified, rather than feeling like a worn out rag.

The power of this strategy is that even when it doesn’t make
a bad situation good, it does make it better than it would be
if you get sucked into the conflict.

Another great thing about this approach is that it works for
all ages.  You can begin using this approach as soon as your
child is old enough to talk back and continue using it until
your child is old enough to move out of the house.

Warmly,

Anthony Kane, MD

Please place your comments below and let me know how you like this

If you would like to have a quick step-by-step plan on how to end your child’s difficult
behavior forever and your child is between the ages of 2 and 11:

Please go to:

How to Improve Your Child’s Behavior

If your child is a teenager or even a preteen, there is a new excellent program designed to
help you with your child.

Go to:

The Complete Connection Parenting Teen Behavior Program

There are ways to use rewards that will work with 
Oppositional Defiant Disorder and difficult children, 
but it is not the way it is usually taught.

Most parenting programs use rewards as a tradeoff. You 
encourage good behavior by buying it. This works with some 
kids, but just not a child like yours.

But there is a very effective way to use rewards even with 
ODD children.

Here it is….

Rather than using rewards as a trade off, you can use them 
as a way to reinforce good behavior once it occurs.

Here is how it works:

Let’s say you are running behind and you need to get 
dinner ready and fold the laundry, but there is just not
time to do both.

Cindy, your preteen daughter is around and doesn’t appear too 
busy. But Cindy doesn’t like folding laundry. However, 
you happen to know that there is a certain DVD she wants 
you to rent.

So you can approach this two ways.

The first is the straight reward for compliance approach.

“Cindy, I really need help with the laundry. I’ll tell 
you what. You know that DVD you want us to get? If you 
help me out by folding the laundry I’ll call Dad and ask 
him to pick it up on the way home.”

There it is, a straight business deal. Now Cindy has to 
decide if it is worth a DVD to bother with the laundry or 
if she would rather do something else.

Here is the way you can use rewards to help you.

The same scenario but this time your approach is a bit 
different.

“Cindy, I am really stuck. Your father is coming home 
soon and need to get dinner on the table. Would you be 
able to take a few minutes and help me by folding the 
laundry?”

Here you are making a plea for help. You are making a one 
time request, appealing to your child’s sense of good and 
giving her the chance and the choice on her own to be the 
hero.

It is much more likely that she will help than in the first case.

When Cindy finishes you say to her,

“Cindy, you’re a life saver. I really appreciate you coming 
through for me when I need you. I want to do something 
nice for you. How about it if I call your father and ask 
him on the way home to pick up that DVD you wanted to see?”

Here is the major difference between the two approaches.

In the first case, the DVD is the pay off. It is a 
straight business deal.

Whether Cindy says yes or no, it is a cold calculated decision 
based upon her perceived value of a DVD.

It will have no ramifications for future compliance 
except for the fact that you have fixed the price of 
laundry folding to be one DVD.

You will not get away with less than that ever again.

In the second case, you also paid for her help. But you 
bought it with your appreciation.

Now appreciation is a wonderful thing. You feel great 
when you give it. Your daughter feels wonderful when she 
receives it and at the end of it all you feel closer to each other.

You should be ready to pay your daughter with appreciation 
all day long.

The DVD became a token symbol of that appreciation, but it 
wasn’t the currency.

In addition to receiving the appreciation and the DVD, 
Cindy might begin to realize that when she obeys you and 
helps you, that on occasion she might receive surprise 
gifts.

She is much more likely to help in the future because 
there will be a big emotional payoff and an occasional 
tangible surprise.

Plus, if you couch your request in such a way that it makes 
her feel good about helping and lets her be in charge, it no 
longer becomes a question of who is in control or who is the 
boss.

If you use this very simple approach slowly and often, then 
you will see some really big changes in behavior over a period of 
time.

But more than that you will strengthen your relationship 
with your son or daughter, which is a reward for both of you.

This is something that neither one of you can buy.

–52% of teens use drugs before they leave high school
–50% of teens had used alcohol in the last 30 days
–1/8 of teens suffer from depression, but only 30% ever
receive treatment
–One third of junior high school teens are sexually active
–75% of teens are sexually active before they reach twenty
–34% of teenage girls become pregnant
–The most common issue 12 year old girls face is how to
prevent a boy with whom she is involved with from
having sex with her  (and the girl’s parents usually
don’t know she is involved with anyone)
–Homicide is the second leading cause of death in teenagers,
and suicide is the third
–Every year, 9 million teenagers contract a sexually
transmitted disease

I can keep on going… but it doesn’t get any better.

Finally, after 14 long years of hard work and two years of
extensive testing, The Complete Connection Parenting DVD Teen
Program is now being released to the general public.

Originally, this program was designed to help parents of
difficult, defiant teenagers.  And our tests on four different
continents show this program is extremely effective in doing that.

But our research showed something else…

We found that today, teenagers confront issues and challenges
that two or three decades ago we never had to face.  When we
were growing up, only the most fringe element, out-of-control
teens dealt with the things your child is exposed to on a
daily basis.

And we found that for the most part, the parents today are
clueless….

Parents do not know what their children are doing and those
that do are either in complete denial or are in a panic
because they don’t know what to do or where to turn.

Don’t let your teenager become a statistic!

True, The Complete Connection Parenting DVD Teen Program will
help you get your difficult, defiant teenager’s behavior under
control.  That is what it was created to do.  But it will do
more than that.

The program will show you how to teach your child to become
more mature and more responsible and to make better choices.

And every teenager needs to be able to do this.

Just look at the list again. Look at what your teenager is
exposed to– what is going on around him.  You cannot protect
your child from these things.  Your child’s only real security
is to become mature quickly and learn how to make appropriate
choices.

As I said [[firstname] the program is now available to the
general public.  However, I would like to so something special
for you.

From now, September 25 until Friday October 4, I am giving you
access to the program at a significant discount.

This is only available to you and only if you use this link:

http://addadhdadvances.com/dvdspecial.html

<a href= http://addadhdadvances.com/dvdspecial.html>Teen Program Discount</a>

Call it my special introductory offer which I am giving to you.

Warmly,

Anthony Kane, MD

P. S. [[firstname]] Please, think carefully about enrolling
in this program.  It is a very dangerous world out there for
a teenager, and the world shows no signs of getting any better.

If you have any worries about your child’s ability to make
wise choices I can assure you the problem is probably a lot
more serious than you think.  This is not my opinion.  It is
the statistical facts!

Again, your special introductory link is at:

http://addadhdadvances.com/dvdspecial.html

<a href= http://addadhdadvances.com/dvdspecial.html>Teen Program Discount</a>