Today we are going to discuss when to fight.
Now, if you have been following my videos for some time, you understand that, at all costs, we try to avoid conflict, battles, and fighting with our children, and keep the peace whenever possible.
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However, there are some issues and rules that you cannot ignore or overlook with your ODD child or teenager.
Which rules? That is your personal choice. Buying viagra online: however, every parent has things which are in his or her mind a priority. You must be clear what they are and you must make your child clear what they are – buying viagra online. You should feel that they are vital and that you must take a stand upon these issues. These are rules that your child must obey.
You should have a very clear understanding why these rules and issues are important to you; buying viagra online.Your reasons should be very clear in your mind before you get into a conflict with your child.
But when such issues comes up there are certain things that you, as a parent, cannot and should not let go; buying viagra online.
Buying viagra online: some examples of these issues might be safety, honestly, stealing, lying, or criminal behavior.So if or when these come up, you should deal with them accordingly. You must be prepared to stand up on them.
If you get into a conflict with your child on these issues, you must do it with the understanding that you are going to win; buying viagra online.Be very clear in your mind what the issues are, where you are going to make your stand, and make your stand firm and strong.
Do not give in, do not back down, and do not negotiate; buying viagra online.These are issues you cannot negotiate upon.
Buying viagra online: again, you should try to avoid conflicts whenever possible, but if you are in a conflict with your child or teen, you should go into it to win.
This means that you have to be prepared for an all out battle.You cannot be running off somewhere else.If you are in a discussion with your child about something and it is an important issue to you, you have to carry it out to the end.
Remember, we try to avoid battles and conflict with our ODD children whenever possible. However buying viagra online, on the really important issues be prepared to stand up and fight and be certain to win.
Please leave a comment below.
My son 7 yrs. has ADHD & ODD and is now facing expulsion from his new school. There is a no tolerance rule and he continues to break the rules. It is very hard to feel like I win anything with him because he will turn away and run, cry or state like he has for a long time that \"noone cares\", \"everybody hates me\" and this is so hard because his dad was sent away at age 5 on his birthday and by me. I think he is very depressed and will not share or open up although he is in counseling. I am not sure what is doing any good for him. He is too young ( I think) to understand most things. But definitely has no respect for me or most anyone. He is a sweet boy but can turn like a lightswitch into anger or \"who cares\" attitude.
Hopeless in AG
Hi Susan,
that describes my son who is also 7. I found that Dr. Anothonys method of mirroring what the child says and then adding and you can not do that (or whatever), to be very effective in these cases. The first two or three times it went on for about an hour where he kept saying, nobody cares or no one loves me etc.. And I would just repeat, I hear you saying that nobody loves me and your are not allowed to …… . After that it got much easier. And its best if you can catch him before he turns like a light switch, otherwise this conversation goes on while I am holding him tightly to insure that he does no one or nothing any harm. Good luck and its better to solve the problem now when hes only saying nobody loves me than waiting til hes a teen ager and can do serious harm
I just came across this website and I see my 10, almost 11 yr old grandson. He is ADHD and ODD and they say Conduct Disorder. The school wants to send him to a hospital for observation by Phycs for 7-10 days. He self esteem is very low, has outbursts and rages and says everyone hates him, he can’t do anything right, he is no good etc. He has told the aggressive school counseler he has thoughts of hurting himself by bringing a gun to school. This is what has the school in an uproar. We are concerned but have a good counseler on the outside that would like some time to try working with him first but we have to decide what to do. My g-son does seem like he has an I don’t care attitude at times because when he is not successful – he gives up right now and is hard on him self for that. I am not hopeless but frightened since the school, teacher are wanting this done to him. He has been on stimulates for 2 months because the Phsycologists wanted him on meds so he could do better in school and now things have gotten worse. I realize he needs help but I think this is just one step too far at this time. I do feel the bottom line is his anger. He does not know how to handle it and he does admit that. He struggles in school and does not have any real friends. He is a very lonely, unhappy person. Any suggestions?
Sleepless in SD
It was good info. but did not tell me how to approach issues of lying ,stealing etc.
Avoiding battles has been impossible as our 15 year old harasses to just to provoke. Winning the battles over honesty, lying, stealing (boundary issues of personal property or invasion of privacy), illegal and immoral activity have been unsuccessful in as much as I may have control those situations or dealt with them however; What I have won is a shattered relationship with my husband who continually wants to negotiate and accept excuses. Taking absolute stands in the battle to win has just left me standing alone….after 34 years of marriage!!!
Children with ODD have no consciene and feel NO remorse and do not understand ANY of the long term consequences of the menial issues that they continue to battle about.
There is NO cognative thinking…it is all in the moment for them and it is ALL about getting their way. Self Satisfaction at the expense of EVERYTHING else.
All I do know is this disorder is guaranteed to distruct even the most stable family. I believe thesebchildren should be in resident care. It is beyond what even the most educated family can begin to deal with.
We have had Crisis intervention, case workers, psychologists and psychiatrists, and numerous support teams and the battle wages on.
Noone WINS!!! Noone lives!!! We are all just geared up to fight and at what expense. I have paid the price of the fight! NOT WORTH IT!!!!
My son is somewhat like Kirstine’s and so it my relationship with his father. Complelely selfish. All I can say is to tell the ODD one that you are on their side but that they have to obey the same rules as everyone else, and behave in an appropriate way in life, even if it is difficult – because how do they like it if they see someone breaking the rules. You won’t win, but at least you can keep making your moral stance clear, so that even if they don’t do what you want you have given the right form of words and they have heard a better attitude. I don’t hear any good stuff at home from my son, but sometimes I hear from people who don’t know him well, eg his aunt, that he says the sort of things I would want him to say. I also think give them as much independence as possible and with adults whose opinions you approve of, so that they will have to respond appropriately. My son is not a teenager any more, and looking back I think there was too much intervention, and it generally was too much talk and not enough action, and now he won’t now seek help from anyone – I think because he expects all “experts” to criticise him. If you can get a strong male role model as a mentor I think that would be good. I never managed to find one. Also, do try to see some good in them, even in very small things.