Out of control behavior in children and teens is a very common and distressing problem for parents. Although it can be very stressful and confusing, here are a few tips that will help you know what to do about it.
As discussed previously, bad behavior is a result of a learned response. This means that the child spontaneously for some reason acted inappropriately when he was young- he threw a tantrum or broke things, etc.- and as a result of the behavior the adults around him gave in to the childs desires. They either gave in because it was a bad time for them or because they were too embarrassed by the behavior to deal with it.
Whatever the reason, if this happened often enough the child would realize that he can get what he wants by acting inappropriately. In other words, the child learned a special technique that he can get what he wants if his behavior is disruptive.
Bad behavior is not an inborn. It is learned. You have to un-teach the behavior and you have to do it immediately. Here is the reason why.
As your child gets older, he is going to want more things, bigger things, more dangerous things. He will learn that if you give in to bad behavior all he has to do is escalate the behavior and he will eventually get what he wants. That will make your life very difficult. It will disrupt your peaceful home environment.
This is why many parents have such a hard time with defiant teens. Since early childhood these children learned that they can use their inappropriate behavior to get their parents to give in. Teens often become more aggressive with their behavior. They will break walls, punch through doors, and break windows. These teens also use all sorts of abusive and cursing language.
Defiant children understand that bad behavior is an effective technique to get what they want. Remember, though, it is a learned technique. You have to un-teach your child by not giving in to abusive behavior. It is not a hard thing to do, but it is not a pleasant thing to do either.
Also, this is not something you can do gradually. It is not a weaning process. Your decision not to give in to your child’s tantrums and abusive behavior must be absolute.
Your child’s first response will be to escalate the behavior. It is critical at that point not to give in. When your child acts out, you must hold your ground.
Eventually, your child will understand that acting out is no longer an effective way of getting what he wants. He will stop acting out. However, until he has that realization, he is going to escalate his behavior though. Be prepared for this.
A key thing to remember is that you should not get into a battle or a conflict with your child if you are not able to follow through. That means if you have to run out for an appointment, or if you have an important phone call, or for some reason you cannot sit it out, wait it out, and endure whatever your child is going to do, you should not get involved in the conflict. The worst thing you can do is to begin to make a stand and then back down. By backing down you are encouraging your child to escalate the negative behavior.
Again, it cannot be stressed enough that this bad, abusive, and out of control behavior in children and teens is a learned process. And because it is a learned behavior, you must un-teach your child.
The unlearning process is a hard one. You will experience a lot of unpleasantness. However, you must go through with it because if you do not, your child’s behavior is going to get worse over time; jelly kamagra. Jelly kamagra: these behavior problems will not go away or get better by themselves.
