Today we are going to discuss a very important thing we must do with our children and that is show them respect.

Children need to feel our respect.

They need to know we respect them as people. We, as parents, should respect our children as people. Even though they are children, they are also still human beings. They have the need and desire to be respected.

There are two reasons that it is very important that we, as parents, show them respect.

First of all, it is important for a child to learn to respect others. Children do this by seeing us do it with them. But it is also important that our children respect us.

Many, many times parents tell me they do not have respect for their children or teens. Very often the reason is because they do not show their children or teens respect.

When you show respect to another human being, he or she is almost compelled to return that respect to you. They show you respect also in high regard.

This a very important point to remember.

So if you are having trouble respecting your child, if you show your child respect and show that you value him as a person, he will treat you in kind. This will also improve your relationship together.

Your child will also feel better about themselves. They will feel better about you, and this also improves the relationship.

In closing, it is very important that you show your child respect.

This is Dr. Anthony Kane with the Complete Connection Parenting Program.

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Today we are going to discuss the importance of recognizing your child’s accomplishments.

What I mean by this is following. Improving behavior is a long process involving many, many steps.

It is very important that you recognize and pay attention to what your child does. You, as the parent, need to recognize improvements and give credit for them. You should acknowledge your child’s improvements and behavior.

This is a great way to encourage your child. Make your child realize that you are paying attention to him. Be certain that your child know that you appreciate his accomplishments. You can even praise your child for his accomplishments.

So for example, maybe your child has a problem with eating at the dinner table, but he is improving his behavior. Maybe he is sitting better. You should acknowledge this better behavior and say, “Today you sat very well at the table. I’m very proud of you. I’m really glad you did this today.”

When you acknowledge your child’s behavioral accomplishments many things occur. What happens is that you encourage him to go further. You encourage him and in turn it also builds your relationship with your child.

One thing that I always stress, and it is very important, you should compliment your child as much as possible. A general rule of thumb is to give your child at least four or five positive statements for every one criticism that you have given.

This will help you to show your child your affection. It will make your child feel better. It will encourage him along to the proper path. Most important, it will help him grow up to be a better child, a better teen, and a better adult.

Just remember, this is a process of growing up.  Your child will not be perfect right away.  He will not correct his behavior right away.  But if you acknowledge your child’s accomplishments and you encourage him along the path, he will eventually get there.

Today we’re going to discuss the importance of the expectations that you have for your child.

Children live up to our expectations. All children do this. This means, if your child is being honest and a good boy or a good girl, they will improve their behavior to live up to our expectations.

On the other hand, if you feel like your child is basically dishonest, not truthful, has a behavior problem, or has some other things wrong; your child is going to fill your expectations that way also.

So it is very important that we have positive expectations for our children.

You have to really truly believe that your child can achieve these expectations. I know it is sometimes very hard. You have a child that has been lying and stealing, but if you view the child as honest he will become honest.

On the other hand, if he feels that he is being a bad child, or a dishonest child, or a liar, he is going to stay being a liar or worse. It is all because of what you expect from your child and how you view your child.

I will tell you a story that I heard. There was a child who was passed around from home to home, and eventually ended up at his grandmother’s house. His grandmother was blind.

He came home one day with a report card. He was a failure at school all his life. He would receive mostly D’s and F’s.

One day the grandmother asked him what his grades were on his most recent report card. She asked him how he did.

So he lied. He told her that he said he got all A’s. She can’t see. So she believed him. She was so proud of him. She was so happy that he was such a good student. She gave him such positive warmth and attention because of the good grades.

He had never received this type of attention from any before. As result of that one interaction, he became a straight A student just because that is what his grandmother expected of him.

Again, it is very important to understand our expectations do shape our children’s behavior. It has to be real. You have to really view your child as being good and honest. This is how he will become good and honest.

If you really believe that your  child is a liar or is a bad child, then he is going to be a liar or a bad child.  It is really up to you.

Today let’s discuss the idea of giving your child the proper criticism.

Part of your job as a parent is to correct your child. This usually involves criticizing a negative behavior. Obviously, no one likes to be criticized. But, there is a certain technique you can use with your child. This technique will help to minimize the unpleasantness of being criticized. It will make it much more likely for your child to hear what you have to say and then respond appropriately.

This technique uses the word “AND”.

What you want to do is find something your child has done well. You then use this as a compliment by pointing it out and noticing your child’s one successful behavior. Then you link this good behavior to the topic at hand, the one that you want to discuss. You do this by using the word “and”.

If you use the word “and”, it is very, very good because it links the two different discussions together. If you use the word “but” it implies that something negative is coming along afterwards. Instead, you want to use the word “and” in this case.

So I will give you an example.

Let’s say your child has a problem talking back to you while at home. But your child is doing very well at school. You say, “Hey, you know Bobby, I just got a call from your teacher. I hear that you are doing very, very well at school. I am so proud of you. And let us talk about what is happening at home now.”

You see what you have done? When you have done this, you have already complimented him. You have acknowledged his successful behavior. You have smoothly transitioned into something much more unpleasant for him.

This transition makes it much easier to get the discussion open. It makes him much more receptive to what you have to talk about. This is a great approach for you as a parent.

Again, this is unfortunate but we have to criticize our children on an occasionally. Hopefully it is only on occasion. But it is the job of a parent to do such a thing.

When you use something like the word “and” to make a transition by connecting something positive with something negative that is happening afterwards that you want to discuss, it eases the difficulty for the child. It is a much more effective way to deal with a difficult child.

Today I want to discuss with you the importance of redirecting your childs behavior.

You do not have to ignore or tolerate every time your child has a behavioral problem or tantrum. Many times you can avoid problems and avoid battles by redirecting the behavior.

What that means is that when you notice that your childs behavior is starting to deteriorate you can do something. Examples of what to do as a parent are changing the subject, you can change the topic, or you can change the mood and attitude. You can very often avoid outright behavior problems by just simply changing small things.

I can give you an example of what happened with me recently. I was on a trip with my children. I have a two year old. It was past his bedtime and he was getting cranky. He was also a little hungry and we still had an hour to go on our drive.

What usually happens with children at that age is they start screaming until they are fed. So what I did is I focused on him and I had him look out the window, and I said, Oh, do you see that? You see that? Oh, you see that?

Now, I wasnt looking at anything, but he is two years old and does not know that. He looked out the window also and Oh, oh, yeah, I see that. Oh.Ah. He doesnt really speak that much. But the point is that I got him to focus on something and keep his interest up instead of crying. I kept him the entire hour, hungry and over tired, and kept his interest without having him cry.

This is called redirecting behavior.

Now I admit the guy in front of me was getting a little crazy by what I was doing, but it was a lot better than having my child cry for an hour. This is the idea. The concept is that you try to be as tuned in as a parent as you can be and be aware of your child.

When you see his behavior going sour then you can redirect him to something else. Grab his attention to something else and keep him going that way. Many times, you can avoid outright battles, conflicts or even really bad behavior doing this very simple technique.

This is Dr. Anthony Kane with the Complete Connection Parenting Program.