Ever wonder how can you evaluate if your child really has a problem controlling anger? Everyone can understand that if a child explodes, or is constantly raging around, or is easily set off; there is a child anger management problem.

What about the quiet child? Can a quiet child also have an anger problem?

Possibly! There is something called passive aggressive behavior. A child with this type of anger does not explode. In fact, he does not show anger outwardly at all. But if you look carefully, bad things keep on happening when this child is around. Cell phones get lost and things get broken.

This type of child can really alienate others. He is the child who is able to pick out the weaknesses of others and set them off. This type of child may not appear angry, but he is surrounded by anger and discord. It seems whenever he is around, other people start arguing with each other.

What happens is that the child expresses his anger by silently taking revenge. He does things in secret to get back at you or somebody else.

There is a great story I heard once about a teacher, who had a child in her class with a passive anger problem. Once, the child was very angry at the teacher, and later the teacher found her car keys in a flower pot, somewhere in the classroom. The child had taken it and hid it there.

An angry child can explode. But an angry child can hide his anger, also. You have to really know if your child has an anger problem or not. That is your job as a parent.

I have for you a way to evaluate the anger situation in your home. It’s located at http://ccparenting.com/anger. There you have an anger management profile which you could take quickly in a couple of minutes or so.

You have a complete anger analysis; whether your child has a serious anger problem in your home or not. So go there and find out if your child has an anger problem or you yourself have problem with your anger.

Again, the location is http://ccparenting.com/anger . Go there and you should have your analyses done very soon.

Today we’ll discuss some misconceptions parents have about child anger and anger management.

Number one, parents think that anger is bad; it’s a bad emotion. Now, the truth is, anger is an emotion and emotions aren’t good or bad. It really depends upon how you use them and how you direct them. So, that’s the first misconception parents have.

Another mistake parents make is they think that once their child get angry there is nothing the child can do to control himself.  That is also not true!

Anger is a natural emotion. How you respond to anger is something you learn to do. It’s our job as parents to teach our children how to respond properly to anger.

What I have here today on my site is a way you can evaluate the anger situation at your home. It’s an anger analysis. It’s located at http://ccparenting.com/anger . You can go over there and find resources that will allow you to analyze your anger situation at your home.

See, if your child has an anger problem and if you’re handling him properly. You will also get anger tips emailed to you how to better handle anger in your child and also the agony you feel yourself.

So, again this location is http://ccparenting.com/anger. You go over there, you get these tips and you’ll get your anger analysis right away.

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What happens when your children fight with each other?  How you should really respond?

One of the mistakes parents make when their children fight, is that they try and make peace between their children. This is a mistake!

One of the benefits of having siblings is that it teaches your child how to resolve conflicts with other children.  That means in the protected environment of your home, your child learns how to work out or resolve conflicts between himself and his peers.

People come into conflicts with others all the time.  Adults know how to resolve these conflicts peacefully.  But this is something that they needed to learn to do.  Children are not born knowing how to get along with others.  Children learn how to do this by interacting with their brothers and sisters.

If you become the peacemaker, you rob your child of that developmental task.  He needs to learn to make peace by himself.

That is the problem of getting involved when your children fight with eachother.  Your children will be in conflicts with others the rest of their lives.  They must learn how to resolve these conflicts peacefully.  Your children must learn also that they will not always get their own way.  That is just how the world is.

Let your children work out their own problems and come to their own resolution, themselves. You just stand on the side and make sure nothing gets out of hand.

One of the most common complains that I have from parents is a child anger problem. Their  child seems to explode, blow up and cause all sort of problems at home, when they get angry.

One of the things we’ll discuss today is how we can tell if a child really has an anger problem, or is it something else.

The one indicator of whether a child has problem with anger is how often he gets angry. Does he get angry constantly? Is he always going off?  Do you have to run away and hide whenever he’s around because he’s going to explode about something? Or is this very infrequent?

If the anger is constant or very frequent and you have a problem of anger at home.  You need to determine what that problem is and what the source is. For example, could it be that your child actually has a problem managing his anger.  It could be something you’re doing to set their anger off. It’s very important for you to know what to do, what are the cause is in order to figure out what you should do to take care of this problem.

So with that in mind I’ve created for you a form you can fill out to determine the situation of anger in your home and what you can do about it.

The form is located at http://ccparenting.com/anger . You go over there and fill out the form. We’ll give you a quick analysis and you will be able to determine exactly how you need to fix the problem of anger in your home.

Here is a common scenario.

A parent makes a normal request of their ODD child or defiant teen and the child puts a very big stink about it. The parent gives a job or makes a request and when the child starts complaining about it, the parent backs down.

This happens very often, usually when task wasn’t so important to the parent.  The parent would rather not deal with the reaction. This is a big mistake.  What happens is that when you do something like this; you set a very negative situation for yourself.

What you are doing is teaching your child that if he complains or throws a tantrum about a direction you gave, you will back down. He’s going to learn that the tantrums really work. And what will happen is that you’re going to end up with a teenager who throws tantrums or makes a stink or does something else whenever you ask for something.

You’ll get into a situation where you will try to stand your ground and your child makes a bigger and bigger problem for you.  Before you know it you will have escalating behavior problem in the house. You do not want to do this.

This is what you need to do when you have a child who complains about your direction or complains about a job you gave him.

First of all, chose you requests wisely.  You don’t want to give jobs or directions that aren’t important to you.  Also, be ready to back up your request.  If you are not able to do this, then it is usually not worth asking your child to help, unless he is a child who normally does what you ask.

When you give a direction, an order, or even a consequence, and your child makes a stink about it, then you need to follow through. You do not back down.

The best way to do this is to give the direction and then walk away.  You disengage.  Don’t get caught up in battles and certainly don’t back down.

When you back down what happen is that you get in a cycle where your child just keeps on increasing his behavior. He just thinks about “putting a little more effort in my tantrum, a little more effort in my bad behavior or punching a hole in the wall and mom/dad will back down. And I’ll get what I want”.

Keep your requests few, but make them things that are important to you.  You must be ready to be back it up.

Again, this applies primarily if you have an Oppositional Defiant Disorder child or teen.  Most other children respond favorably to simple requests.