Viagra online: children say what they hear. Viagra online: i have a child who just turned six.I am sure he would never use the ‘F’ word or say ‘shut up’ – viagra online.
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The reason I’m sure is not because I’m such a great parent viagra online, but because he has never heard these words used before.He doesn’t hear my wife or myself use it, he doesn’t hear his older siblings use it, and we control what media that comes into the home so he doesn’t hear it there either – viagra online.
Eventually, he will hear it from other kids at school, but hopefully by then he will be old enough to understand enough not to use it, at least his older siblings were.
You need to make your home a place that your child sees as more refined and better than the world around him.Your family should have higher standards of conduct than the society surrounding us – viagra online.That way your child will see your home as a special place – viagra online.
You do this in two ways.
First, you need to control what comes in your home.Unless you want your child to grow up with decadent morality of Hollywood, modeling the behavior of Hollywood both on and off the screen, you have to limit your child’s contact with the smut that comes out of there.
Second and more importantly, you yourself need to model refined behavior; viagra online.If you or your spouse use foul language or what raunchy TV shows, if will rub off on your children – viagra online.Children learn what they see and hear and they copy that behavior – viagra online.
A six year old or even an eight year old doesn’t know what the ‘F’ word means – viagra online.He just learns that that is what you say when you are angry.And he learns it from those around him – viagra online.Your child’s environment is his teacher.He is going to learn much more from what he sees on TV, hears in music, plays on video games, or observes in your actions, than anything he will learn in school.
If you care about your child’s moral social development you have to control his exposure to these negative elements – viagra online.The lessons of the surrounding society go in deep.Once they are inside of your child, it will be very hard to get them out of him – viagra online.
This was a very well written article. Thanks so much for sharing your knowledge as it’s really something that we can utilize.
My wife will use foul language in anger. Plus, my son watches television which might contain foul language.
Whereas I agree with the argument that children copy what they see and hear, I find the idear that your child is not going to hear the F word untill he/she is 6 or 7 somewhat naive.
Children go to playgroups – playgrounds – children\’s parties – shops to name but a few environments where they may come in contact with the F word. I personally found that when my children tested my reaction to the F word, the best strategy was not to react too acutely at the time and to have a discussion how I felt about the use of that word. Negative re-enforcement has got to be the key here.
My home is great And if I could keep him at home 24/7 that would be one thing..However, My son heard the F word this year in 5th grade from peers at school and now uses it daily and frequently in many ways. So, as far as public school children are concerned- it is a great word to use. I would suggest putting kids in Christian school where they are less likely to pick it up from peers this young. Wish I could have afforded to do that because the damage done at public school this year seems almost irreversible.
My spouse nor I use foul language. My grown 33 && 29 year olds do not use foul language. My adopted 9 year old has never uttered a foul word to my knowledge. In stark contrast, my adopted 7 year old who is reared in the same home, watches the same TV programs which we closely monitor, and goes to the same school as my daughter, began using the F-bomb this year as a first grader. I am a retired public school teacher and filthy language was extremely tolerated in public school hallways & classrooms. Had I given written citations every time I heard profanity, I would still be writing referrals. And as far as a Christian school environment being a less likely place to hear profanity–think again. In our area, the private Christian schools are where kids go whose parents have exhausted all other resources for students who have been expelled from all other institutions. I agree with Georgiana who wrote that to defuse the effect of the F-bomb may discourage its use.
The only thing you can really hope to do is instill in your child self-confidence and high ethics, everything else is essentially their choice once they get old enough to make that choice.
If you try and limit a persons exposure to something, though limiting exposure might work in the short term and is no doubt a good idea, eventually the child is going to grow up and be exposed to this and it’s best he has the ethics instilled in him to make the right choice at the time.
The reason I say this, is because I’ve seen some people not be exposed to say alcohol, or drugs, or sex for a long time… than once they get a taste of it they go hog wild!
This kind of see-saw of interest isn’t strange, it’s simply the power of novelty, often combined with something else like the need for approval from peers, acceptance and wanting to appear “cool”. Issues that every teen has to grapple with.
So limiting exposure may be great at first, but ultimately it’s not the be all and end all… nothing can replace setting an absolutely fantastic example for your children of integrity and high ethics (which you mentioned)… because ultimately you DON’T have the power as parents to control children, you can only influence them, and if you become the best person you can be than you’re children will admire you and you’re qualities and learn from that.
But if you try to control them and their environment when they’re in their teens than well, good luck to you! I wouldn’t recommend it.
Than again, take everything I say for what it’s worth, parenting advice from a 22yr old without any kids, but I’d say I’m very qualified to put my 2 cents in because I’m still not far removed from my own transition from youth, to teenage years and now I’m entering those adult years, and I have my own experiences and the experiences of many friends to draw upon to make the conclusions I’ve made.
Great article and I hope my additions give people some additional food for thought.
My son and I went to a kids museum with a friend and her son who said the F word and she got all embarassed and then mine and hers started saying it. They were 6 and obviously had no clue what they were saying however when they saw how it effected his mom it sort of generated a repeat. I was watching and thinking fast. I decided to nudge her and mutter”Lets change the subject”. I said “Oh wow we’re almost at the museum” and along they came chattering about other things. Later at lunch one of the boys said ” ducky, f***y, mucky, lucky” and laughing the other boy joined in. Without missing a beat I said “Silly Billy, hilly, filly” and laughed and smiled and again the heat was taken off the F word and I never heard it again until my son came home in 3rd grade and said”So and so said” F***” . I said “I do not want you to use that word it is very rude. People who use that word get looked down on by well educated people.
He asked “But mom what does it really mean” I just said “It’s just a word people use to connote aggressiveness, meanness and rudeness. Daddy and mommy don’t use it and don’t want you to. Its mean”
Despite my son being difficult in lots of ways thats the last I’ve heard of that for the last 6 months. We’ll see what happens.
I agree with Dima. I do not curtail my 11 year old son from the harsh realities of this world. He has to live in it. What I DO do, is explain it to him. My son is bright, and he’s going to see all the horror, fear, filth and debauchery around him. But what I have given him is a basis for processing what he sees and hears. Information is powerful. I’ve given my son that power.
He knows I don’t approve of the F-word, and many others. I have explained to him that to use those words, is to show ignorance. And remind him that he is not ignorant. When he was younger, and used that word for the first time, obviously not knowing what it meant, I played a game with him. I challenged him to come up with more appropriate words to express his anger. It worked. He hasn’t used that word since.
Occasionally, inappropriate words will slip out even now. It takes but a gentle reminder to use appropriate words to correct him.
I know this must seem like a silly thing, but my son is ADHD and ODD, and to have something so simple work, is a relief.
Something to think about for those struggling.
Agreed. But read the book “Sh*t My Father Says” by Justin Halpern anyway. Hysterical.
As a mother of three grown children and grandmother of three small children (ages 2-5), I think I qualify to have some input. (Although I do like what Dima had to say and I agree with the reasoning that youth makes one closer to the \\"other side\\" of the argument.)
Definitely controlling the amount of negative input you expose your children to is important. But teaching them strong character development will allow them to know what to do with future exposure as we inevitably start to lose control of their environment.
I generally am of a mind that there is nothing wrong with cussing. There is a time and a place for it. If you overuse the words, they lose their power. I had a friend once who simply taught her children that those were adult words and that they had to wait until they were older to use them, much like teaching them that they have to wait until they are older to have a glass of wine. Or to have sex. I do not agree with the idea that we should tell them that these things are bad but that they need to mature before they can indulge in them responsibly. (By the way, her boys are 10 and 12 and are very respectful, admirable young men.)
I\\\’d like to add that the idea of telling children that using those words will make well-educated people look down on them seems to steer them clear of the \\"bad\\" words, but heads them right into the worse attitude of haughtiness.
Balance and a healthy approach to communication is where I think the solid foundation stands.
I could not agree with you more Carah. I have given both my children the explaination of why that is not a good choice word to use and have asked them what other words they can use instead. THey were both (ages 7 & 11) able to come up with lots.
With regards to Jeans cooment – I dont think i would agree with telling them “People who use that word get looked down on by well educated people.” as i know many well educated people who use that word as a part of there daily language.
I think your article is very good but it is very difficult for some folk’s to adhere to due to their history. When I was young I heard my father swear when he came home drunk but never have I heard that word from my mother. I never swore because I knew my mom would be really upset and I felt that I would be considered a bad person if I did, however, when I was in the real world I started hearing it more and more and eventually I became desensitized to the “F” word as well as other swear words. Unfortunately, I have a tendency to swear when I am mad or frustrated with myself, although I cannot stand to hear the word from anyone else, especially my daughter but the damage has already been done.
I am going to call you on this, Jackie-
One of the differences between people and animals is that we can use our minds to control our behavior, even when it is hard. I am sure that there are other people out there who have a worse background than you who decided to change it in their own lives by taking control of their situation.
The same way you can control what goes in your mouth you can control what comes out of your mouth. I am not saying that it is not hard. It may be extremely hard. But is is possible if you want it bad enough. And other people have done it.
Maybe you will continue to choose to swear when you are mad or frustrated. But recognize it for what it is. It’s a choice. It is your choice. No one has forced you to do it or trapped you into doing it. The same way you have chosen so far to allow yourself to swear, you can stop it.